I watched the first episode of a new show on Netflix this morning called Dead to Me. In the episode, two women meet at a grief group, both widows. They end up building a new friendship as late night phone buddies since neither of them are able to sleep. The show goes on to take a lot of unexpected twists and turns (and believe me you should so…
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
A New Beginning
This past week I started something new that I feel both a little bit nervous about but also really hopeful about. I finally signed on to be a regional Soaring Spirits group leader here in Northeast Ohio. I’ve been sitting on this idea for over a year now. In part, for my own reasons… I have very few friends nearby since moving to Ohio. Each…
Things That Matter
Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways. I am more empathetic. I am more sympathetic. I am less judgemental of people’s lives and situations and circumstances. I listen better. I stop to talk with people more. I find more meaning and beauty in very tiny things. I exist in the moment…
6 Years. 6 Centuries~
This Sunday it will be 6 years since Chuck died. Just writing that number leaves me breathless, and not in a good way. Jesus. How can it be 6 years? Though it might as well be 6 centuries. That’s how it feels. So, my thoughts on this fractured time as they meander through my mind…I spent last weekend with our older son and his family, which…
Talking to Others
I am so f-in tired tire of being apologetic, or maybe, “pre-emptively apologetic” is a better word. It is the act of defending your views before anyone has even tried to refute them. To be pre-emptively apologetic means that I talk about my wife carefully because I fear the comments of others. With Natasha, there was no fear, I could just…
Heads or Tails
It is easy enough for most of us to identify with our own, “widowed” side of the story. We’re the ones left behind when our partner dies. We are all suddenly single parents, sole breadwinners, alone, scared, and confused. It doesn’t matter if we’ve had years to accept the impending death, or minutes. But, what if we were on the other…
It’s a Real Thing. Camp Crash~
Holy shit, is it a real thing. Camp Crash. Michele, thankfully, speaks about it each year, prior to Sunday morning breakfast. Fair warning of gales ahead, campers. Brace yourselves.I first attended Camp Widow in 2015. Chuck had been dead for 2 years at that point. I didn’t know a soul there. I hadn’t connected with any widowed groups on fb. I was…
When Their Truth Hits
I’ve had very few visitors since Tin passed away. I don’t know if the reason is avoidance, being unsure of how I’ll be with guests or just that life goes on and we become too busy for the little things. Approaching the first anniversary of Tin’s passing, as the warmer month’s and spring break approaches, I’m starting to get the calls…
Anger, and Being Brown
Anger, my good friend, anger. You are so reliable, so constant, yet elusive, sometimes I can’t see you, but then suddenly you appear, snarl and bite. you are always there, always so patient, you never shut me down and tell me to look on the bright side, with you, I can ‘be dark’ and talk about death whenever and wherever I want. You are…
Thank You For Letting Me Talk
Why do you let my grief scare you? Why can’t I just talk about Natasha how ever I want? She was MY wife, not yours! Why can’t you just listen and try not to fix me? “You just need to focus on your daughter’s smile, and everything will be alright.” Why do you give me an arbitrary timeline and act as if it is the word of some…
Empathy? Please Sir, May I Have Some More?
I find that my deams often reveal the detail of my grief. In a recent dream, my wife was scolding me for my parenting approach, “You too often let her get away with not eating fruits and veggies!” Clearly, I have not moved on from feelings of self-doubt about my parenting skills. I know most parents struggle with healthy food…
Quality Time
You may have noticed that last Tuesday, there was no post from me. In short, we had a major power outage at my work, starting the Sunday prior, and being the only IT person, it fell to me keep the business running. I left home Sunday evening, towards the office, and I was there until 3 A.M. or so. Then home for a few hours, then back to the…