The kids and I made a plan for what to do on the upcoming third anniversary of Tony’s death. One of the boys and I were by ourselves driving recently when he asked me about camping. If we were ever going camping again, at a specific location Tony loved. I told him we would go […]
April Again
Today marks the beginning of another April. This is THE month for me, the one we lost Tony. Last week I was chatting with a friend, and she asked me how I was feeling with the anniversary coming up soon. Also noting that it will be 3 years and how many people told me that […]
200 Miles Solo
This weekend felt like a solo parenting marathon. The younger boys were both in a soccer tournament with three games each. Additionally, the youngest was also in a baseball tournament with four games. Feels like one of those grade school math word problems! The answer is, the boys had 10 sports games total. Strangely, only […]
When it Rains it Pours
What a week! Sometimes, life just piles it on, doesn’t it? Last week, was spring break so the kids were home all week. I didn’t take any time off work, so we did our best to balance it all. They ran a little feral through the neighborhood with their friends. I had to replenish the […]
Impending Milestone
Next Sunday is our wedding anniversary. Because it’s on St. Patrick’s Day, people tend to remember the date. Last night, my friends were asking how I wanted to spend that day and offered companionship if I needed it. I know I won’t be heading to any of the city’s parades. As one friend dryly joked, […]
Car Buying
I bought myself a brand-new car without my husband. Tony was always more opinionated on what vehicles we purchased. He only wanted to buy certain makes and did all kinds of research on his own. I would advise that I needed to be able to park it and lift car seats into the back. The […]
Someone Elses Loss
Content Warning: Child loss I cannot write about my life today. A sweet 11-year-old little girl who attends the same elementary school as my kids, died from cancer this morning. I feel a melancholy settling over me as I process this news. I am not close with the family though we know […]
A Message from Him
Last week, I went to visit my parents in Florida. We took a side trip down to Key West for two days. We spent our time exploring all the restaurants, art galleries, and shops Duval Street has to offer. In a tourist heavy city like Key West, you always end talking to a few strangers […]
Dreaming of Him
Even after almost three years, I rarely dream of Tony. I would venture to guess I’ve had no more than ten dreams of him since he passed. In the beginning, I remember falling asleep hopeful he’d make an appearance. Knowing I’d never again see him in the physical world had me craving a visit of […]
Stress and Self Doubt
After I logged off work tonight, I felt that bubble rising. The one that fills me with self-doubt. My brain filling with intrusive thoughts because I am stretched thin. I don’t feel good at anything. The source of my stress right now is work. I’ve been given more responsibility, while also working to improve processes. […]
Car Troubles
Here’s a new one for me, I cried dropping my car off for a repair. I had it all worked out. After I dropped off my car, I would order an Uber to take me to my parents to pick up a spare vehicle. I handed over my keys and realized there was no waiting […]
The Duality of Living
It is hard work, but it’s so important to find duality in our widowed lives. Sadness and Happiness. Grief and Joy. Heartache and Love. Sorrow and Wonder. I remember getting a piece of advice right after Tony died that came via another widow. That advice was to cry when you need to but don’t let […]