While the question can take many forms, the topic always revolves around moving on to a new relationship. I’ll preface this post by stating that everyone who has been widowed is unique. Some may want to move on and find someone new, some may not be ready to do that for quite some time, some […]
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Thanksgiving Then and Now
As in most families, our Thanksgiving traditions had their own rhythms. We’d gather at mom and dads’ place around mid-afternoon. You could count on my sister to arrive on time except when she arrived early. I, on the other hand, at least while I remained unmarried, could be counted upon to shuffle by later. First […]
the seed of me
what shape waits . . . the shape of what was what is what will be transformation. how am I different? or the same? in the seed of you . . . the seed of me of sorrow of grief of survival of resilience of gratitude i am the seed of yesterdays i am the […]
Colder Weather
With my second Thanksgiving without Erik right around the corner, I find myself getting multiple flashbacks of all our past Thanksgivings. Thanksgiving was the first time I introduced Erik to my family a decade ago. The thought of another year with an empty seat with his name on it sets in more this second time […]
Church of Beginnings and Endings
About three weeks ago, I attended a funeral at the church where Tony and I were married. It was the first time I had been in that church since his passing. The service that day was for one our close friend’s mother. So I was there in a supporting role versus a griever. As I […]
Coffee
Today we threw out my Keurig coffee maker. It stopped working and functioning correctly, so I drove it to the town dump this morning, along with this weeks other trash items; never to be seen again. My parents bought me that Keurig somewhere around 2013 or 2014. I cannot recall the exact year, because it […]
Keeping “Up” in UpState Country
Last week I wrote about “Settling In” as I continue to adapt to my new life in a log home in rural Central Florida. It’s been a “challenging” time. Over the course of less than 4 months, I purchased a new home intended for a rental property, decided I’d like to stay in it for […]
One Thousand Five Hundred Twenty-Seven
It’s a recurring theme for me: something occurs that roils my emotional waters, instantly flooding me with dark memories of grief-filled days when the icy reality of Lee’s death occupied my every waking moment. Such emotional waves are not connected to a specific date, place, or occasion, but rather surface unexpectedly, and can be triggered […]
Things They’ve Missed
Or Have They? There are plenty of things about widowhood that are “stage” reliant. How many days, weeks, or months its been since our person died. How many years since they left us. But the category of “things they missed” seems to come round no matter the specifics of time. It’s a category that never […]
Where is Daddy?
Repost! Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, […]
When They Call You Mrs
I don’t find myself in many situations where there is an opportunity for me to be addressed formerly. 99.9% of the time I answer to Emily and Mom. Thankfully, my boys haven’t started calling me Bruh…yet. Last week I was volunteering at the elementary school for the bookfair. The kids get to shop or browse […]
Missing Toronto and Living Life
There was a time when I didn’t just GO to each Camp Widow event that happened every year, I NEEDED to go to every single Camp Widow event that happened each year. Like, it was a necessity for my mental health , for my sanity, for my well-being, and for my being able to have […]