Widow's Voice

The inevitable Question.

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a question mark made of light
While the question can take many forms, the topic always revolves around moving on to a new relationship.

I’ll preface this post by stating that everyone who has been widowed is unique. Some may want to move on and find someone new, some may not be ready to do that for quite some time, some may never find someone else, and some have little or no desire to do so.

But, inevitably, a widowed person is going to be asked (typically by some well-meaning friend or relative), if they’ve consider putting themselves “out there” again.

Granted, for me it’s only be a little over two and half years and the couple times I’ve been asked, the people asking made it more of a hypothetical “sometime in the far future” type of thing, but these are friends who know me pretty well. I could see fielding that question from people who don’t know me very well at some point. I could see people thinking that I’m somehow selling myself short or missing out.

I’m part of that group who has zero desire to find someone else and honestly, it’s one thing about this whole widowed life that I’m rather relieved about. My relationship with my spouse was not your typical relationship. We were both part of the most misunderstood group in the LGBTQIA+ community—asexual. And while like everything else, there is an asexual spectrum (we were both bi-romantic), but I do think we’re rather more rare.

We both discovered this not long after we met in the early 1990’s. It was an integral part of what made our bond and our relationship so solid. But it remains something that so many people just can not understand.

The truth is, I was damn lucky to find my One. I found that person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together. The tragedy was that I’d only get to spend the rest of his life together and a chunk of that time he had descended into full on alcoholism.

The other helpful thing is that I’m a genuine introvert. Introverts are also a wildly misunderstood group, but I digress. I have family and friends and work and volunteer things that gives me plenty of human contact, but I would still rather go sit in a forest than go to a party. I miss the understanding companionship of my One and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him or wish he was still here, but I am not lonely for new companionship of that variety.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.