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One Thousand Five Hundred Twenty-Seven

Posted on: November 16, 2023 | Posted by: Gary Ravitz

It’s a recurring theme for me: something occurs that roils my emotional waters, instantly flooding me with dark memories of grief-filled days when the icy reality of Lee’s death occupied my every waking moment. Such emotional waves are not connected to a specific date, place, or occasion, but rather surface unexpectedly, and can be triggered by things most people might view as innocuous.

In going through yesterday’s mail, I received one of those bulk mailers soliciting a charitable contribution.  It’s a common occurrence at this time of year. This one was from an organization called Caring Bridge. I was familiar with Caring Bridge, which is a site host for the friends and families of someone who is experiencing a significant medical issue. Visitors post messages of encouragement, sometimes photographs, even videos, and, in turn, they can get the latest news about a sick friend or loved one.

I am familiar with the site. Back on June 20, 2020, we opened a Caring Bridge site for Lee, who by then was back home from the hospital to spend her final days. Indeed, Lee died shortly thereafter, on July 2nd to be exact. During its brief duration, her website drew one thousand five hundred twenty-seven visits. I always found it remarkable that Lee quietly touched so many other lives: family and current friends, of course; many co-workers; folks from her hometown in Michigan, including some childhood friends. With the slightest tinge of jealousy, I would note that one old boyfriend had weighed in to share his well-wishes.

***

Over the course of a year, Caring Bridge sends me multiple mailers. However, the one that arrived yesterday prompted me to visit Lee’s Caring Bridge site. I couldn’t tell you why.

It was not unlike visiting a cemetery. I was reminded of the forgotten names of many kind people who contributed to Lee’s site.  Some of the messages I read yesterday resonated with me in ways I hadn’t noticed before now. The photographs, especially those of Lee’s young great-nieces and great-nephews, were revelatory. In my mind’s eye, I see them growing up. For me, these photos underscore the ever-widening passage of time the living must endure after the loss of a cherished loved one.

Notwithstanding a few laughs or smiles, revisiting the site predictably was sad for me. Once my tears dried, however, I was glad I did.

Categories: Widowed Emotions, Uncategorized

About Gary Ravitz

In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer. In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist opined that my wife had from two weeks to two months left to live, turned on her heels and nearly sprinted from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary. In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wondrous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week. In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. And, along the way, you might hear a bit more information about me.
Gary

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