This Monday presents the Awareness Observance of International Widow’s Day and also most fittingly the national debut of the documentary, CAMP WIDOW. I reached out to Michele Neff Hernandez, the CEO of Soaring Spirits International and the creator of the Camp Widow program to learn more about this groundbreaking project that followed a long and […]
Blog
Ghosts of the Past
If you read last week’s post, you’ll know that I’ve been having to spend some time at the hospital where Mario spent his last few days. Shortly after posting that, I had gone to visit and the nurses in the ICU told me they were moving my mom to a room in the PCU (progressive […]
“Episode IV – A New Hope”
Shortly after Lee died, I lost my enthusiasm for my regular work. My career as a trial and appellate lawyer quickly paled in significance next to the impact and importance of her loss, despite the many interesting and important cases I’d been involved in over the years. However, it wasn’t as if one day I […]
Dull Weed-like Plants and Sunny Sunflowers
Can joy and loss coexist? The dry, brown, feathery stalks in this photo remind me of the dried up feeling of loss that sneaks up on me. Standing directly in front of the dry stalks, sunflowers pop up through the leafy green leaves. I ask: Have you no shame yellow-face-flowers? Can you not feel […]
Insignificant, Yet Significant
A repost! There are just some things that I can’t seem to part with. For the past three weeks, I have been trying to get rid of a set of bath towels that the twins have been using. It has definitely seen some better days. For some reason, I just can’t seem to say goodbye […]
Mysteries of the Future
In April, I started with a new therapist, and I’ve been seeing her consistently since our first session. Today we were discussing secondary losses towards the end of our session. Just as the bulk of my session was winding down, I hit on a new topic that was bigger than the 2 minutes we had […]
Take the Trip
I am currently on vacation in Hawaii, looking at the palm trees swaying, and it is reminding me of the vacation Lynn and I took with my parents, back to the Philippines in 2009. We have a ton of relatives back in the Philippines, and while I had not been there since the early 2000’s, […]
Memories Well-Coached
Tomorrow is Father’s Day and I’ll take this opportunity to write first a little about the special bond my late dad, Jack, had with my late husband Rich. There were some commonalities. My father’s middle name was Richard and they’d both served in the United States Navy, my dad also a member of the US […]
Back where it all ended.
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to return to the place where Mario left his earthly body behind. It’s the local hospital. Why I’ve had to go back, repeatedly, is primarily due to the fact there are a lot of older people in my life. Every time I have to go there, […]
June 12
Lee and I were married on June 12th. Does this fact mean that today is our wedding anniversary, or is it more accurate to say, had Lee survived, today would mark our wedding anniversary? Where it involves Lee, such fine distinctions can confuse me and make me uncomfortable. On the one hand, how can today […]
Where is beauty?
Where is joy? I’m grateful to be alive this day to breathe in air to witness beauty and to walk barefooted upon the earth. Grief’s feeling cycles remind me that I am alive. The values which form the backbone of my existence remind me to pay attention. Where does joy reside? […]
Enduring Silence
I lost a friendship I once valued, Who knows where the drift began. But you can’t make amends with silence, Although it’s not quiet like the dead. This silence breeds indifference, I refuse to accept the shrinking effects. I’ve already survived his death, This too, I will endure. I imagine they are hurting too, Missing […]