The other day I left the house to run errands. I got about 5 miles down the road when I realized my cell phone was not in my pocket. For a moment, I seriously contemplated turning around and going back home to get it before I stopped and thought, what am I doing?

I remember sometime in the 80s when mobile phone technology first started coming out. My dad spent a whole bunch of money on a one that came in what was basically a suitcase. As a kid at the time, it seemed very futuristic. I remember he would bring it on vacations with us when we would road trip in a truck and travel trailer. Still, it didn’t make me think that at some future time these devices would I basically become tiny computers that we’d all carry around. And I certainly didn’t see a future where all of us were so connected to technology that if we didn’t have it on us, it would cause us anxiety.

In the early 90s I remember phones had gotten much smaller. My dad bought me a Motorola flip phone. We affectionately call these early phones “bricks” because they were about the size of a brick. The batteries alone on these phones were larger than any phone today. As far as features, it was just a phone. At that time I was still in high school. My dad gave me strict instructions that I was to only use the phone in emergency situations (car broke down, that sort of thing) because my parents were paying the bill and there were per-minute charges. People were not using these devices to have long conversations with friends.

Being exposed to mobile phones in the early days and the way they were used in the early days I guess gives me a leg up on everyone much younger than me who never lived through a time without mobile devices. But I have to tell you, I did not like the feeling I got when I realized that I left my phone at home.

It’s been a long time since I’ve done that (left the house without my phone) … which is another kind of problematic to me. Basically, it’s become such a part of my life that I just have it on or near me at all times.

While I was driving, the biggest thing I thought about was the emergency factor. Back when cell phones first came out, if you didn’t have one, you could always just use a pay phone. Now, pay phones don’t exist. You would have to rely on the kindness of a stranger to allow you to use their phone to get a hold of somebody if you absolutely had to. That alone could be a bit anxiety inducing. Yet when I was growing up, we all routinely left the house, went on trips, etc. basically with no cares. We were not addicted to technology, instant gratification and constantly being “available” back then though.

As I went about my errands, it quickly became apparent how often I use my phone while I’m out and about. Not having my phone on me I almost felt like a time traveler from like 40 years ago. I saw everyone walking around me with a phone. I was the only one who didn’t have one.

I don’t like that it made me feel disconnected beyond a literal sense. There is absolutely something psychological at work here. I wouldn’t say I am 100% dependent on my mobile device, but I still don’t like the fact that when it wasn’t with me, I had a bit of stress and anxiety about it. That should not be a normal reaction.

I remember when Mario and I used to go camping we would get a little excited about the fact that there would be no reception at some of the campgrounds. It meant that we were truly unplugged from the world. We were not “available”. We were truly “away”. No one could get a hold of us and we couldn’t get a hold of anyone else. But then again we had each other. It wasn’t like it was just one person alone without any form of connection. Of course this is about five years ago now, and those five years really did change the way I think about a number of things, including being totally off grid.

Perhaps part of the stress surrounding leaving the phone behind has to do with the fact that it wasn’t planned? I’m going to have to experiment with purposely leaving the phone at home and running an errand to see if I have the same feeling.

And I can’t help but think that this technology is ever evolving so what’s it gonna be like in another five years… ten years… and beyond?

Not gonna lie that I’m a bit apprehensive about the direction technology is going. I don’t think that absolute reliance on technology is healthy for humans.

Technology will always be a tool for me and I will continue to use it that way, but I am reevaluating how it makes me feel for sure.