It feels as though it doesn’t take much to get me tired these days. I could be doing the same tasks I did before, only now, it takes everything out me. I’m exhausted to the core. Emotionally, I’m fine. Physically, I’m spent. I wonder if it’ll always be like this… If it’ll always take quadruple the strength to get through a day and all that it…
young widow
An Opportunity to be…
Grayson and I watched the movie “Evan Almighty” this weekend. I’ve seen it once before, but a certain scene really struck me this time. Morgan Freeman, as God, is explaining to a woman how prayers work. “If you pray for patience, God does not GIVE you patience, but gives you the OPPORTUNITY to be patient.” I went to bed with thoughts of my own…
Worth
On May 29th my little girl graduated from High School. The ceremony took place in a beautiful garden with an audience full of proud family and friends and an air of hope for the future all around. My mind drifted back to a time in my own life when naivety and optimism were companions I knew well.As with most milestones post 8/31/05 there was a…
Changing Perspective
There is a Fleetwood Mac song called “Say Goodbye,” that has broken my heart repeatedly over the last four years. I have found the concept of saying goodbye to Phil so difficult that I have avoided it like the plague since he died. You see, there are still speed bumps on this road of grief that I have yet to cross over.Phil and I were blissfully…
The DVD
Checking the mail. A routine that we all have, some everyday, others a couple of times a week. Today was one of the moments that interrupted an action I did for society’s sake. I opened my box to find a package. As soon as I saw who the sender was I knew it was from our wedding. I did not know there was video until after Michael was killed, for…
What Friends Are For
I’ve spent the holiday weekend in Cali with the other Michele and head back to Texas today. Although the weekend has been packed with activities (sushi night out, a long and beautiful walk, visits with family, a day at the beach, etc.), we’ve managed to cram in some fantastic talks and some really great quality time.In one of our many…
Worth a Second Look
I started to write something to honor the men we have lost in recognition of Memorial Day. Then I realized that I couldn’t write anything more poignant or beautiful than what Nicole has already posted. And so I am re-posting her Thursday post with this addition…there are no words of thanks that adequately honor the sacrifices made by the men and…
Wishing
I sometimes wonder what would happen if all the wishes people made on stars came true. Where would my life be today if my whims were met by the imaginary wish granter in the sky who hears the things our hearts whisper when we witness those flashes of light across the night sky? One thing is certain, my heart has definitely not been whispering over…
On My Way……
On my way to North Carolina, to sit next to a widowed fiancée who called our hotline and wanted another widow by her side, I stopped in Atlanta. With all the travels I’ve been doing the past year I have come to terms with the face that I will see numerous amounts of men and women in ACUs. Today was the same. As I stood at the gate my ACU radar…
As Promised… Question #19
When did you clean out your husband’s closet? (For our new readers: Over the past several years I have interviewed many widows about their day-to-day life after the loss of their husbands. I asked all of the women I spoke to the same fifty questions, all practical inquiries about everyday life. Many readers have asked me to share my answers to…
Shovel Time
I made the choice to go into my office to throw the bundles of trash I have stacked in different places all over the room. One bag had a can of his dip that he left over R&R, bundles of every receipt from when he was here, and the lip gloss I wore when I was able to kiss his lips. I got through many of the boxes which led me to the closet…the…
I can’t stop thinking about David.
Not that I actually try. But today it’s more like he is ALL I’m thinking about. Even when his beauty fills my mind I can’t help but feel partial. Like someone tore off my legs and somehow…I’m still living. I’ve wondered from day one (of widowhood) how long I’d survive this life. “Time” I no longer understand nor try to comprehend. I can…