I’m finally back home in Kona. And honestly, it’s a little strange. I’ve been traveling more in the past year than the entire previous decade. And I’ve gotten kind of good at it. I’ve honed in on what I really need and where each item belongs in my baggage as I move from one place to the next. So being home really clarifies 1) how little…
widowed
A Dance In The Dark
I’m in Virginia now visiting my folks, in the house where I grew up. The summer after Mike died I visited here too, and was inconsolable…memories of texting my friend and fellow widow Margaret late into the night, sobbing, tears streaming down my face…unable to conceive of a world, or a life, without him. Every visit since tinged with those…
Life’s Surprises
Yesterday I accompanied some friends to what I thought was going to be a Fourth of July party at the beach here in Kona. When I arrived, the host, dressed in white with a beautiful lei, handed me a program…we were actually there for a surprise wedding! A few people, it turns out, had known, but I had no idea. I had only seen my friend with her…
Sharing With Myself
No matter what else happens to us in this life, no matter where we go or what we do, we will forever carry the memories of our lost loves in our hearts. Even other widowed people will never be able to exactly understand all the details of our past lives with our husbands or wives who are now gone.I can talk to my widowed friends about Mike, I can…
Terrawimba
‘We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.’ – Shakespeare, The Tempest Oh brain, I am in awe…and no small amount of confusion…as to where these images originate… The other night I dreamed of riding in a most unique invention of my weary soul. Open scene sitting in the backseat of a vehicle…
Never Far
Death is never far from my mind. That probably resonates with plenty of other widowed people, as well as some who have suffered the passing of someone close to them. This past month, a friend of mine died, far too young. But my mom’s friend died too, which was very sad and perhaps unnecessary given the particular circumstances. Another extended…
Frozen In Place
A friend died this week – far too soon. A very dear, sisterly, special person I had known and loved for many years. Our friendship had suffered since Mike died…for a lot of reasons…they are personal and not for public airing. But there is no blame to pass around. Relationships can be complicated. And they can be further complicated when someone…
I’m Just Here
It was overcast and a little muggy this past Saturday in Kona as I roused myself early to get ready. I went about my morning routine with a heavy heart, not looking forward to what the day held in store. Funerals and weddings are tough for widowed people, right up there with holidays and anniversaries. But I remembered what it was like that morning…
Mother’s Day Thoughts
As widowed people, most holidays will come with some sort of a bump or lump. We are socked by memories; how we spent the last 4th of July together, that empty chair at the Thanksgiving table, that Memorial Day weekend we traveled somewhere fun. This past weekend was Mother’s Day, which carries no less emotion for many of us. Often there are…
Gratitude and Perspective
The “big day” was this past Friday, the court date for the preliminary hearing for my foreclosure mediation. And it was just a lot of build up for nothing. It got postponed until June 17. Some guy who was supposed to be there wasn’t and the judge wasn’t happy…ultimately I think it’s going to look good for me. My friend Sarah went…
No Magic Answers
I wish there was a magical device that would tell me exactly the right decisions I should be making in my life. But there is not. Without Mike as my partner and sounding board, I feel especially in the dark about making the right choices for myself. I feel very let down, in a way. I had thought I had made that most important decision of one’s…
Getting Old Sucks…
…but it’s better than the alternative. At least that’s what they say. I’m not sure who they are. They probably have never been widowed and had to live with the idea of getting old without our spouses, when we hadn’t planned on it… and they are definitely not being specific enough. Who wants to live a long life if you’re sick and…