If I take an inventory of all of Jeff’s things that I have clung to, stored for safe keeping or discarded since he died, I realize that to an outsider, these items would seem like random detritus. Debris. Maybe even junk. I have managed to let go of many of his ‘collections’. The plastic Stanley Cups he collected from some fastfood restaurant. A…
widowed perspective
Refresh
There are moments where I feel as if I am on an idle screen. It’s a screen that am totally aware of what it looks like when it is fully loaded. It’s full of memories, strength, perseverance, and a positive outlook that is all fueled off the amazing love I have been given. Yet, with this new journey before me, there are times when the page doesn’t…
Perspective and Purpose
These are two words whose meanings have changed for me since Phil’s death. Perspective used to be a word I threw around when I wanted someone else to view a certain topic or situation in a different light. Looking back, I doubt that I worried too much about how I viewed the world around me. Things in my life were pretty black and white, and I liked…
renovated reactions
On the day our daughter, Liv, first started preschool, my husband, Jeff, and I dropped her off together. We helped her off with her coat. We put her shoes on the mat. Then, we stared expectantly at her wondering (possibly hoping) if she would start to cry and demand that we stay. She didn’t. In fact, Liv told us with thirteen year old form, “You…
Expired
I just received a notice from the Fictitious Business Name Renewal Center. Apparently Phil’s fictitious business name will expire if he doesn’t pay the $125 fee before September 28, 2009. Somehow I don’t think the check will arrive in time. Seems this company has no record of Phil’s death. The fact that there could be any organization left that I…
This, Too, Shall Pass ….
It’s time to be brutally honest and up front with all of you. Proceed with caution. Before I write this confession, I must also confess that there’s no way that I believe I am alone in this. And that is why I decided to write about it.I have wanted to die. No shock there, right? We’ve all felt that desire. But for me, there have been more than just…
Not Dead Yet
I had another run in with death this week…No, not a friend or family member. This time it was me. How, you might ask? “Ms. Dippel, we are having a problem verifying your credit for your cable installation…..(uncomfortable pause….) um, Ms. Dippel, uh, has anyone ever told you that you show up as “deceased” on your credit report?”Yup, that’s…
Compare and Contrast
Yes, your eyes are working well. I have actually posted a photo of Phil and I above a photo of me and my boyfriend, Michael. Why? While I was interviewing widows several years ago, I spoke to many women who were in new relationships. I asked each of these ladies…”Do you compare your new partner to your former husband?” Without exception they…
The Gifts of Widowhood: Me
A friend of mine shared this picture with me earlier this week, and it made me laugh out loud. I’ve been told I’m pretty good at this particular skill. As an only child for the first ten years of my life, I was a pleaser. I didn’t like to rock the boat and went to great lengths to avoid conflict. Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to get my way. I…
New Perspective on Sundays
It is my pleasure to introduce you to our new Sunday blog author, Kim T. Hamer. Five months ago Kim lost her husband, Art, to cancer. She was his caregiver. She is the mother of his children. She is a working professional, an unwillingly single mom, a bright and energetic lady, and a powerful writer. And we will experience all of this, and more,…
Flashlight in Hand
After Michael was killed, people I had known nearly my whole life seemed to drop like flies, one by one. The calls came less and less and with each meet up it seemed like bricks had been laid that separated me from them more and more. The lack of understanding, the not knowing what to do, or just the not wanting to know what I was going through,…
The Widda’ Elmhirst
It was true – the skin on my face was dry and it seemed to have turned a permanent, dull shade of gray. Every morning I put make up on, hoping that this would be the day that it would last beyond 7 AM. It never did. My eyes were dark and puffy. My eye lids hurt to touch.I lost ten pounds that I could not afford to lose, and it seemed that most of…