There are moments where I feel as if I am on an idle screen. It’s a screen that am totally aware of what it looks like when it is fully loaded. It’s full of memories, strength, perseverance, and a positive outlook that is all fueled off the amazing love I have been given. Yet, with this new journey before me, there are times when the page doesn’t fully load.

I want to be reminded of all that is wonderful, all that fills my “screen”, all that keeps me going. I want to click the “refresh” button, in hopes that the blank areas will “load” in those days and moments where I feel that all is gone.

It is only when I have sat and stared at that “idle screen”, truly believing that the page will never fully be filled with all of its contents, that out of nowhere, the refresh button is pushed.

I want to scream at the “screen” I call my life, for dragging me through so much, making me tear and break down all of my being, to then “refresh” what is the essence of who I am. But I can’t. Because in the end, all is “refreshed”, all reminds me of why I can stare at that not fully loaded screen. I can always remember what it looks like when it’s all there, and look forward to the permanent “refresh” that will reign again.

“Affliction comes to all not to make us sad, but sober; not to make us sorry, but wise; not to make us despondent, but its darkness to refresh us, as the night refreshes the day; not to impoverish, but to enrich us, as the plow enriches the field;”

-Henry Ward Beecher