a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.
new love for widowed
Am I Turning My Husband …..
Am I turning my husband….. …. into a saint? After really sitting down to think about it and to honestly delve into the recesses of my mind (which was an exhausting trip, by the way) …. I think I can honestly say …… no.I know, as do we all, that we tend to remember more of the good times after someone dies. I also know, that many people…
Just Call Me ….
Just call me……… Sybil. I very often feel like I have a split personality. I have passed the three year mark. I find these words difficult to absorb even as I type them. Hell, I never expected to live out the first year. And then I knew I wouldn’t survive the second. I often thought that it was a shame that I couldn’t just “think myself” to…
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener ….
…. just because you’re in a relationship. Most relationships have their bumps and turns. But throw in two widowed people, their children (8, with & without teenage hormones), the difference in the time of their widowedness (6 1/2 years) and the grief that each still carries ….. and you don’t just have a few bumps and turns. You have a…
I Didn’t Cry
When I first was able to entertain the thought of marrying again, I was certain that I would fall to pieces when asked to utter the phrase, “till death do us part.” Those four words mean something completely different now that I know what parting actually feels like. In fact, I often teared up when discussing my fear of this phrase with…
Almost Married
By the time you all read this post I will be married. Even as I type these words I find that fact slightly unbelievable, because five years ago I was certain that my life was over. My heart was still beating, my lungs worked, my eyes opened each morning, but my LIFE was over. I found the fact that the world as I knew it had stopped turning to be…
Better…
Portions of the following post are from about a year and a half ago…at the time I really thought I was better, and all things considered I was. About three years ago I started joking with Michele that I wanted to wear a black t-shirt with word “bitter” printed on it to identify myself as a bitter widow. She refused to let me, more out of fear…
The August Flu
Even though I have now lived through the month of August five times since Phil’s death, I once again failed to notice the signs of the anniversary flu as August 31st approached this year. Maybe you recognize some of the symptoms?physically achy impatient slightly glum, but with no real cause low grade sense of impending doom decreased level of…
Five Years
Hi honey, As I type this letter to you I am wrestling with the fact that you have been dead for five years. Even though I have lived without you for 1,825 days…every once in awhile I still feel I could turn over my shoulder and you would be there with a big grin wondering what I will think of your latest joke. You would be amazed by the growth…
Love After Love …
… is different. Very, very different. I wish I had known that. I wish I had known a widow who could have told me that. Someone who could have warned me. You see, I had only loved one person in my whole life (OK, other than my family members and friends). I had only fallen in love once. And he had only fallen in love once. We both had that…
When Will You Be Done?
Lately I have been asked by more than one person when I think I might be done with this whole, “widow thing.” Hmmm…done. Well I guess that depends on the definition of done. See the thing is, I will always be widowed. Remarriage doesn’t erase my widowhood. Being happy doesn’t erase the memories I have of lying in bed dry heaving as I screamed in…
Death Grip
For the last couple of weeks I have been in Australia with my three kids, my daughter’s best friend, and my fiancé. We spent ten magical days touring, laughing, learning Australian phrases, introducing the kids to Michael’s friends and family, and exploring our new family dynamics. We couldn’t have asked for a better first togetherness trip.The…