After Michael was killed my equilibrium for life was off. How things and actions made by me were gauged, I can’t quite say would fall under the category of “adventure”, as my reasoning behind certain decisions was semi-based off the hope that maybe I’d join Michael sooner than later.Selfish? Yes. But at that point the biggest risk, the biggest…
hope for widowed
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener ….
…. just because you’re in a relationship. Most relationships have their bumps and turns. But throw in two widowed people, their children (8, with & without teenage hormones), the difference in the time of their widowedness (6 1/2 years) and the grief that each still carries ….. and you don’t just have a few bumps and turns. You have a…
Official First Date!!
As we walked he wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned in, not away. As we talked he looked into my eyes (so sorry for the corniness of that statement) And I looked back, not down.We sat at dinner and I danced in his attention. Rose, glowed, warmed when he looked at me thinking I was not paying attention, when he laughed at my quick wit, when he…
ACL 2010
This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time.Of course, since Michael’s death I’ve had…
Five Years Ago Today
As a young teen, my husband Daniel traveled on Amtrak to St. Louis Missouri with his parents and five siblings. When he spoke of this trip many years later, his fondest memories were of staying up all night in the sleeper car rocking to the rhythmic movements of the train, watching the Texas landscape flash by, playing Gin Rummy as the train…
A Different Widow Card
So there’s this guy…he likes me and I like him And when we are together, we giggle. With him, I remember how much I like to laugh, the kind of laughter that makes my belly hurt.And then there’s this other guy, who when he smiles at me I can’t say a damn thing intelligent. The energy coming off of him says “Good kisser.” If only I could find the…
Say
I found this photo. Simply a picture of a memorial for some strangers lost loved one. Raw. Honest. Candid. Words that can be used to define the words left to commemorate this soul, this being. What would yours say? For Michael’s Bench: “A lover of steak, mechanics, calculus, Star Trek, not using directions, cargo shorts, foreign films. All he…
The Things I/We Didn’t Need to Hear ….
(this was originally posted on Feb. 16, 2008, almost 2 months after Jim’s death. It was in response to many of my blog readers asking me what to “not say” to a grieving person”. This is the 2nd time I have posted it on WV, but I think we need to remind people ….. every once in a while). OK, buckle your seat belts. And please, please, please…
Almost Married
By the time you all read this post I will be married. Even as I type these words I find that fact slightly unbelievable, because five years ago I was certain that my life was over. My heart was still beating, my lungs worked, my eyes opened each morning, but my LIFE was over. I found the fact that the world as I knew it had stopped turning to be…
Push
Active Lifestyle…. I lived one. I ran 5 days a week, did ab workout DVDs, went biking with Michael, and a little more here and there.Now in comparison to Michael, I was sedentary, but he was my motivation to do that which I was active in to begin with. Self care was something he was a huge advocate of, and feeling and looking my best made me feel…
Overwhelmed
It happens. A song plays. A breeze brushes past my face. A scene from a movie crosses the screen. I stand in the kitchen for no certain reason. A sunset paints itself across the horizon. Our dog sticks his head out the window. I lay silently in bed.These diminutive things take place, and from head to toe I am overwhelmed with how much I am in love…
Eat, Pray ……
….. and Love. No, not the book. But just those three small words. I was looking at my copy of the book this morning, wondering what I was going to post about for WV. And then I started thinking about those 3 words. And about how small they are, but also about how much power and emotion has been packed into each of them since Jim died.First …..