My family began battling cancer in 2003 when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with colon cancer. Five years later my wife, who was pregnant with our third child, was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. Despite a valiant fight, cancer claimed the life of mother-in-law on April 18th and of my wife on July 23rd. I am now raising three girls all…
Widowed
which way did he go?
Jeff’s birthday was on the 16th. The kids and I performed our birthday tradition of making him a blueberry pie. As per Liv and Briar’s directions, we lit a candle and stood on the back deck waiting for him (aka the wind) to blow it out. After a few minutes, the kids ‘helped’ him and blew it out themselves.It broke my heart to watch them standing…
the perfect single dad?
well, i’ve been talking to my best bud chrissy over at the storked! blog and we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the differences between single moms and single dads, and of course, dating. she wrote a little something interesting over on her page, with a quote from me that many will find controversial… so…she asked for a quote, “i realize…
I Still Miss You
I Still Miss YouI’ve changed the presets in my truckso those old songs don’t sneak upthey still find me and remind meyeah you come back that easytry restaurants I’ve never been toorder new things off the menuthat I never tried cause you didn’t liketwo drinks in you were by my sideI’ve talked to friendsI’ve talked to myselfI’ve talked to GodI prayed…
Spring Break!
I should be sitting in one of these chairs this week, it’s spring break. I’m not, but my little guy will be heading to the beach with my parents tomorrow and he’s looking forward to the trip. I am guiltily looking forward to three days on my own. As an only parent I get very few opportunities to do “me things” without having to ask someone’s help…
Flashbacks
Phil died a violent death. Though my brain acknowledges this fact, I have tried to shield my heart from the reality of his final moments. I am not a person who ever felt compelled to explore the details of the exact location of his body on the pavement, or the number of seconds it took the driver to pull over after the accident. My imagination…
Skipping Out
You have cataracts.” my eye doctor declares. “I what?” You have cataracts, she says, this time a little more slowly since I obviously don’t understand her the first time. “But I’m 45 years old” I think.Out loud I say, “Aren’t I a bit young?” She says “Yes but it was probably bought on by the low dose steroids you’ve been on for years due to your…
The Door
March 24th, 2007- I sat in my office, blaring music and talking to a fellow Army wife on IM. Wearing my pajamas, which consisted of Michael’s basic training sweatshirt, I swirled around on my wooden office chair with the sun creeping through the blinds. Underneath the rumble of music I hear something…another noise that I soon decipher as a phone…
you were mine
You were mine.I am yours.Until this body,marked by the love you laid upon it,In every fold,The softened belly,Stretched skin,Withers,and in this frailtyFalls and follows you.Only then,no longer will I be…yours.It will be past.But with you,In you,Through you,I’ll be.I’ll wait.A shadow.Your shadow.I’ll trail behind you.A dark ribbon.But you…
certificate
spent the evening talking to someone in the same predicament. sometime during the call i felt this incredible guilt,realizing that i had driven past the city where liz’s remains are housed when i drove to/from my cabin the tuesday of my fishing trip. can’t believe i didn’t think about this as i drove past the town. what an asshole. how…
Is It Worth the Effort?
I am in a relationship. It’s been about 5 months now and it’s mostly going great. Mostly. I am finding that having a relationship while still grieving for what I do not have is very, very difficult. Of course it’s difficult to blend the children. Some of mine are making it WAY difficult. His (he has been a widower for over 8 years) have been great.
In it for the Long Haul
For the longest time the question that haunted me was: “why him, why not me?” – for a while, the question was more often “why not take me too?”. Michele and I used to talk about the big black ship that would come pick us up and carry us away to wherever Phil and Daniel were. I told myself I’d jump on that boat and race away without a second…