been sort of dreading this day. have to get madeline a passport for our upcoming trip to the banff.excited that my 3.5 month-old baby will have a passport and will be traveling outside the country. also really excited about the trip, but i’ve found that dealing with government institutions is less than thrilling since liz died. applying for a…
Widowed
I Will Survive ….
….. even though it did take two years for me to believe it. I will. …. even though it took two years for me to want to. I will….. even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I’m knocked down by an unexpected wave. I will. …. even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I’m angry at Jim for leaving (yes, it’s irrational, of…
Relapse
Another countdown. 40. Six months ago I celebrated 40. Next week would be Daniel’s 40th. He only made it to 35, and now he’d be 40. Shit. Amazingly enough, I think his birthday is harder for me than my own was. Mine sucked in it’s own special way, but this is different. I’m actually 40. I’m aging. I’m alive. He’s not 40. He’s not aging. He’s not…
Owning My Path
“As a widow you will learn that the only choice that ultimately brings peace is walking the path of grief that has your name on it. The only way to walk with grief is to meet it head on and know that those who have walked before you have survived.” ~Linda Perrone RooneyI found this quote over the weekend, and instantly wanted to share it with all…
Ugly
“He’s in our thoughts and prayers.” “We are sending a blanket of love.” Those are words I read today about a boy, who like Art is battling his second round of cancer.He’s doing a better job than Art did and I’m NOT doing a better job at begin gracious. Instead, when I read those words of love And support Ms. Cynic thinks “Save your…
He Did It
Michael did. Not through buildings, books, televisions or how much money he had in his account- but through lives. The lives he touched with his words, kindness, support. The lives he touched through his love, encouragement and unfaltering friendship.He did it. He did it without even trying. He created something that will last forever. If not only…
deux ans
Deux ans. Two anniversaries of the day I lost my huge, hairy and hilarious husband. I’ve learned so very much in these two short years. A lifetime of lessons. Lessons I didn’t really want to know.I now know that although I did not think in those first few hours, days and months, that I would survive, I did. I breathed each breath with a sob. I…
its complicated
spent time with a relatively new friend. a widow with far too much in common. the number 25 shows up so often for both of us that i’ve suggested we both stop using quarters.anyway, she’s in town to take her kids to disneyland and the beach, and i’ve offered up a few of my afternoons to show them around town. today, my friend asked me to…
Romance, the Second Time Around ….
….. is not a walk in the freakin’ park. Don’t get me wrong …. it can certainly be wonderful ….. but it also can really piss me off.I tend to get pissed at Jim a lot now …. for dying and leaving my in this position. I wouldn’t have to be dating someone new if he hadn’t died. I wouldn’t be getting angry at how different this man is if he…
If Every Second Counts on a Clock That’s Ticking
It’s a musical Tuesday. This is one that keeps getting stuck in my head, and the meaning of the words isn’t lost on me. I’m sure most of us get it. The question that still remains is this: “what will I do with this knowledge?” I didn’t want to understand this. I’d have rather lived to be much older without the dark knowledge of the shortness of our…
A Broken Plate
My husband doesn’t want to go.” “Huh! I don’t think mine will either!” a woman giggles. I smile, listening. wanting to smack them across their whiny, made-up faces which happen to be attached to well-dressed bodies,wanting to complain about MY husband, wanting to scream at the top of my lungs… “I want to belong to this group…
The Ring
It is no secret…. my engagement ring is part of me. When he slipped it on my finger that September day, it symbolized more than our unity, but more so our eternal love, undying dedication and taking this journey together…never faltering.It is a main reason that I wanted Michael cremated with his on. It eternalized it. It cemented what was…