….. is not a walk in the freakin’ park.

Don’t get me wrong …. it can certainly be wonderful ….. but it also can really piss me off.

I tend to get pissed at Jim a lot now …. for dying and leaving my in this position.

I wouldn’t have to be dating someone new if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be getting angry at how different this man is if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be getting my feelings hurt by someone who doesn’t know me that well if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be dealing with the crap of raising teenage boys all alone if he hadn’t died.

He’d be here to deal with a son’s 10 day suspension today and the fact that he and his car got searched for pot tonight ….. if he hadn’t died.

 

I wouldn’t be trying to make a new relationship work with two boys who don’t want it to if Jim hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be questioning if I should be in a relationship or put my boys’ feelings first if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be feeling that I suck as a parent if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t constantly be questioning myself in every area of my life if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be thinking that there’s no way I could re-marry before the boys are out on their own if he hadn’t died.

I wouldn’t be wondering if I should end this relationship so that this man doesn’t have to deal with my crap if Jim hadn’t died.

 

So romance the second time around is very, very different.

Different in many good ways.

And different in many ways to which I will have to adjust.

 

But that’s all a part of moving forward.

I guess.