As Michele posted last fortnight for me, baby Patrick decided to make a rapid and slightly early appearance! Thanks for the comments – I was stuck in hospital without net access to respond! Two Monday’s ago I was getting ready to do my post for last fortnight when things suddenly felt different, so I opted to head to the hospital for…
Widowed
Back When My Heart Was Pure
In the beginning, in the first edges of my grief, my heart felt like an open wound, and in the midst of the pain and shock of those first few days and months after the death of my husband, there was little I could do to close it. My heart was open to the world. I didn’t have the energy or the wherewithal to shut it down, to protect it, to…
The Two Sides of Fall
Kelly Lynn’s post about autumn inspired me this week. She was speaking to the idea of how grief makes us live in black and white for a time… how it removes all the color from our lives. This year, as her favorite season approaches she is seeing in color again for the first time since Don died. She and I have gone through these colorless years…
I Choose Love – Over and Over Again
My mum had a fairly serious surgery this week and has been staying with me in the city while she recovers. She’s ok, and we’re confident that she will be ok ‘long term’, but she’s had a rough time both physically and emotionally. One of the hardest things about being widowed is that I have this horrible intimate knowledge about how…
The Flowery Pit
Rebecca’s post here a month or two ago sent my mind wandering into yet another metaphor…again I will apologize in advance for my perhaps overuse of this device. It just seems to be one of the ways I deal with the grief; it’s how my mind works, trying to find a way to make sense of it all. She was writing about her trip to Bali and a…
Sensory Math
When Megan died, i went into full sensory deprivation mode. I could no longer see her face, hear her voice, taste her lips, smell her body wash, or touch her skin. When suddenly, all five of my senses were deprived of their primary stimulant, I became numb. I would venture to say that this is the case for most widows and widowers. …
Walking the Path Where the Ghost Cows Live
It is the middle of August, and it feels as if the warmth of summer has left us, though we never really had a summer, here in England, this year. Already the air is ripe with the smell of harvest: the spiky, purple thistle flowers have morphed into white milk pods, their silky seeds floating into the sky with the slightest hint of wind, the sloping…
The Warrior and the Wildflowers
Before Drew died, I was not the softest person. Sure I was kind and loving and generous, but mainly just with him – the one person I trusted above all others. I honestly rarely gave anyone else my heartfelt genuine love – because I did not trust people. I always kept everyone but him at arms length, but did I good job of disuising myself as…
Widowed… without children
The past couple of months have been a bit unsettled for me, with our wedding anniversary in June and then Dan’s death anniversary in July. I’ve been so focussed on getting through this difficult patch that my 35th birthday, somewhere in the middle, passed by without too much of a fuss. I had a nice day and celebrated with family and…
Across the Pond
As this posts I will be on my second full day in the UK with the musician. I know it is really a splurge of a thing to do…but I’m not regretting spending the money or the time. If I’ve learned anything in these past 2 1/2 years since Mike died it’s that life is short, grab ahold of what you can, while you can…and also, how absolutely…
We Have a Widow’s Voice Baby!
We are so excited to share that Kerryl, who shares the Tuesday writing duties with Mike, has given birth to a healthy baby boy! She will be back in two weeks to share details, but please join us in celebrating this wonderful addition to Kerryl and Ian’s family. We’ve reposted the blog where she shared her news….and will be excited to share a…
Words Like Cries
It is a Saturday, mid-morning, and I am driving the Snake Pass, a beautiful, winding road from Glossop to Sheffield, overlooking vistas of patchwork fields and hills painted with purple heather in early bloom. It is one of the few sunny summer days we have had, in Northern England, this year, and part of me wonders why I am going to spend it…