Sometimes I take for granted how much Dan’s death affected me psychologically. I coast along, feeling like I’m doing ok and am happy, healthy and in control. Until, like a booby trap, something blows up and the trust issues, abandonment issues and general fear of getting close to people or losing control detonate and wreak havoc in my mind. I…
Widowed
Life’s Surprises
Yesterday I accompanied some friends to what I thought was going to be a Fourth of July party at the beach here in Kona. When I arrived, the host, dressed in white with a beautiful lei, handed me a program…we were actually there for a surprise wedding! A few people, it turns out, had known, but I had no idea. I had only seen my friend with her…
Widowhood Confusion….What?
I’m certain that I’m not alone when I describe the confusion of widowhood. Not that many others in life don’t feel similar uncertainties as life changes happen. I guess it’s just that we, as widow/ers, have this sickening, stomach lurching rollercoaster thrown into the mix of our hearts and minds and souls as we face life alone. The…
On Top of Ole Smoky
Straddling the North Carolina- Tennessee border, Great Smoky Mountains National Park is a sea of lush forests, countless animals, and high mountains. It’s my favorite place on earth. I’ve been there countless times since I was young, and until Megan died, it had never been more than a few years since taking a trip there. I know the park…
Breathing In and Breathing Out
I’m batting jet-lag to write my blog today, so I apologise in advance for any typos (or any more than usual!) and if I ramble on a bit. I got home to Brisbane, Australia on a red-eye flight from the USA this morning, after three weeks away. It was a wonderful holiday, with the highlight being Camp Widow West in San Diego, however I reeeeeally…
Sharing With Myself
No matter what else happens to us in this life, no matter where we go or what we do, we will forever carry the memories of our lost loves in our hearts. Even other widowed people will never be able to exactly understand all the details of our past lives with our husbands or wives who are now gone.I can talk to my widowed friends about Mike, I can…
As Life Continues~
It goes on, doesn’t it? Whether we wish it or not, whether we have the energy for it, or not. Life goes on after our husbands and wives and lovers and partners die. It just goes on.Life after this huge death impacts us in so many ways that are incalculable beforehand. Even when you’ve prepared the wills and the DNR and you’ve talked…
Meet the Parents
Sarah, Shelby and I are in Texas this week for the 4th annual get-together of her and Drew’s closest friends. This is the second time I’ve attended, and Shelby’s first. I’ve met these people before. They are all already friends of mine, albeit not as close as Sarah is to them, but friends nonetheless. There seem to be a lot of…
Remembering as we Live On
This week Mike, Shelby and I are in Texas. It’s the first trip we are taking down to my home state together since I moved. We have spent the weekend with all of my oldest and best friends, having our annual camping trip. It’s a trip we’ve done ever since Drew died… and this is the first year that everyone has been able to make it. These…
Missing Two Worlds – But Going Back to One
I’m writing this from an AirBNB apartment in the heart of New York City, a loooong way from my home in Brisbane, Australia. I flew out here for a holiday with a good friend (and fellow widow) after attending Camp Widow in San Diego last weekend, and we’ve been having a wonderful time. This was my third Camp Widow and while Kelly Lynn spoke about…
Terrawimba
‘We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.’ – Shakespeare, The Tempest Oh brain, I am in awe…and no small amount of confusion…as to where these images originate… The other night I dreamed of riding in a most unique invention of my weary soul. Open scene sitting in the backseat of a vehicle…
Becoming, and now, Become~
A week ago I attended a gathering of women called Where Womyn Gather. In those 4 days of celebration I connected with scores of women as we stood around huge bonfires in the night that were not just bonfires but sacred fires lit by women known as fire tenders; fires kept burning day and night so we could gather at any hour.We had rituals under…