I am not asking for a new life Just a softer space inside this one ~Jess Baird I miss those days I had at the beach but it’s rather nice to be home. Even though I’ve considered moving, this is where I need to be right now. Probably not forever. But who knows? I’m […]
Widowed Emotions
Coffee and Hugs
I’ve noticed as I get older and experience major life changes, friendships change too. Like all things, they run the gamut on the friendship type. Since losing Tony, I have also lost a handful of friendships I would have said were unbreakable before he died. I have mourned those friendships alongside my husband. But I […]
In With The Old 📜
We are in it! A new school year, new challenges, a new routine. Very different from last year and that is, in our case, not a bad thing. I am though, more exhausted than other exhausted days. For that reason, I decided to repost a blog from a few months ago where we got to […]
A BBQ Keepsake Found
I found something of Tony’s this weekend that I had searched for extensively in the year after he died. When he first started smoking a lot of BBQ, I bought him a small leather journal. He spent so many weekends practicing; different recipes, cook times, and temperatures. Smoke, taste test, rinse and repeat. (Almost 20 […]
Voicemail Message ☎️
Ring, ring, ring… ☎️ Hi, hola… You have reached Liliana. I’m not available to get to the phone right now, or respond to your text messages, or pay my bills and freaking parking tickets on time so they freaking double and triple, or keep up with doctors’ appointments, or house maintenance. Also, I started a […]
Ah … the ocean
“The ocean is blue poetry written in a language the soul somehow understands.” Anonymous I am so very happy I decided to schedule this important week at the ocean. And I was wise to break up my drive into two days – and grateful my car held up through that especially hot drive through the […]
Missed Reunions
This morning I received an email inviting Tony to his 30-year high school reunion. Immediately the mental gymnastics started. Whose email address did this come to? Will his death be a topic of conversation at the reunion? Or will he quietly be forgotten by those we were close to? And remembering how much fun we […]
We’re on this Roller Coaster Together
A friend recently connected me with her friend who had unexpectedly lost her partner a few months ago. In talking with her, I recognized that “under the surface shock while trying to pretend to hold a normal conversation” that I (and probably most of us) felt after Lynn passed – especially for those first 6-12 […]
Fetching Hope
It was another extremely hot week here in Northeast Florida with heat indexes up to 114 “feels like” degrees. And of course the humidity makes it almost pointless to shower if you plan to spend any time outdoors, even early in the morning. You do get used to it, and to move more slowly as […]
Radical Acceptance 🏳️
“Radical acceptance of our story is the only way to move forward. All that matters is what is actually in your story. And part of radically accepting it is letting your own story break your heart.” I came across this quote by Katherine Wolf, while searching for more grief and healing podcasts, and […]
Hello August … Hello Melancholy
For the past 16 years I’ve been visited by a melancholy that begins mid-August and lasts through September. Some years it has spoken quite loudly; other years just a quiet whisper. This year feels especially heavy. I’ve mentioned previously that my two wedding anniversaries and two death dates are very closely connected: I married Vern […]
CONGRATULATIONS
Tonight I was texting with my original Camp Widow crew of four. We haven’t all been together, in person, in a few years. But our connection is still strong and even if some time passes, we are always just a text away. As we were texting, I was reminded of where one of our inside […]