I’ve somehow made it through the past week without hitting critical mass. I won’t say I’ve had my moments, but rather, that the past seven days or so have been one big moment, with little instances of calm peppered in. Simply put, it was just a rough, overwhelming, busy, tiring week, the kind where you feel both accomplished and…
Widowed Emotions
No Reason to Fear
Ever since that horrible day 4 years ago, I have been shoved into every imaginable situation of discomfort. Just like all of you. I’ve been thrust into an oblivion… a war zone of emotions… trying to fight my way through without even knowing which direction I am fighting towards. Fighting in the dark. Wandering. Scared. Trying to survive.
The Third Year
Tomorrow is my husband’s third anniversary. And, like so much of this third year, the lead up has felt very different to the previous two. So much so, in fact, that it started to scare me as I’ve been wondering if something is wrong with me, or if I’d slipped back into some kind of state of shock. Even now, I’m struggling to find the words to…
Leaving Another Nest
I have decided something huge in the past few weeks. Something I have been working to make space for in my heart for about the past 3 or 4 months. It’s time, much sooner than I’d planned (story of my life)… I am moving in with my new love, Mike. As I spend most of my time at his house, it is getting harder and harder to live out of two…
Thankful for the Progress
It was my birthday yesterday. My third since Dan died. Next Sunday will be his third anniversary. This period from our wedding anniversary five weeks ago to his death anniversary is my hardest time of the year. This birthday felt a bit different. My last two were very difficult, over-shadowed by the looming death anniversary and full of…
Suiting up. Showing up.
It’s been a tough few days, hasn’t it? For our country, I mean. If you’re already grieving, seeing the ugliness that seems to suddenly be everywhere…even if you refuse to watch the news…it can easily exacerbate what is already in your heart.It makes me miss my beloved husband even more. I used to feel safe with him next to me. …
Life’s Surprises
Yesterday I accompanied some friends to what I thought was going to be a Fourth of July party at the beach here in Kona. When I arrived, the host, dressed in white with a beautiful lei, handed me a program…we were actually there for a surprise wedding! A few people, it turns out, had known, but I had no idea. I had only seen my friend with her…
Sharing With Myself
No matter what else happens to us in this life, no matter where we go or what we do, we will forever carry the memories of our lost loves in our hearts. Even other widowed people will never be able to exactly understand all the details of our past lives with our husbands or wives who are now gone.I can talk to my widowed friends about Mike, I can…
As Life Continues~
It goes on, doesn’t it? Whether we wish it or not, whether we have the energy for it, or not. Life goes on after our husbands and wives and lovers and partners die. It just goes on.Life after this huge death impacts us in so many ways that are incalculable beforehand. Even when you’ve prepared the wills and the DNR and you’ve talked…
Remembering as we Live On
This week Mike, Shelby and I are in Texas. It’s the first trip we are taking down to my home state together since I moved. We have spent the weekend with all of my oldest and best friends, having our annual camping trip. It’s a trip we’ve done ever since Drew died… and this is the first year that everyone has been able to make it. These…
Missing Two Worlds – But Going Back to One
I’m writing this from an AirBNB apartment in the heart of New York City, a loooong way from my home in Brisbane, Australia. I flew out here for a holiday with a good friend (and fellow widow) after attending Camp Widow in San Diego last weekend, and we’ve been having a wonderful time. This was my third Camp Widow and while Kelly Lynn spoke about…
Terrawimba
‘We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.’ – Shakespeare, The Tempest Oh brain, I am in awe…and no small amount of confusion…as to where these images originate… The other night I dreamed of riding in a most unique invention of my weary soul. Open scene sitting in the backseat of a vehicle…