Two writers stepping down in one week?!? First it was Melinda. Now, it’s my turn. This is very bittersweet for me. I am so incredibly thankful for the platform that Michele has given me to open up my heart and share my journey. I have learned so much just from watching my life unfold in my own words and processing through it, as well as reading…
Widowed Emotions
Life Does NOT Look ……
…… the way I expected it to look …… 6 years ago. Six years ago he was still alive. Although for only 14 more days, unbeknownst to any of us. Over the years, I remember looking at people I knew, who had lost their spouse, and wondering, “What were they thinking 24 hours before?” Seriously. I thought that. I wondered. I don’t…
Dreams
I never dream of him. I can’t for the life of me figure out why or how the person I spent most moments of 15 years with, the person I was closest to in my entire life, doesn’t show up in my dreams now that he’s gone from this earth. Or if he is, why I don’t remember those dreams but I do remember the mundane, annoying, or ridiculous dreams instead.
Turning the Corner
So, it’s the day after Thanksgiving, and I write here on this blog each and every Friday. Except that I don’t. In actuality, in order for the blog to go live on Friday, midnight Pacific time, that means my writing deadline is 3 am on the East Coast, the night before Friday morning. Last night. Now you know all the ins- and -outs of the widowed…
Thankful ……
…… is not something I have felt a lot these past almost-6 years. I mean, I’ve felt it for a few things, like my children, my family and friends who were there for me when I really needed them. But it was beyond difficult to feel thankful, while at the same time not believing that Jim was dead. But this year …… this year is different. These…
I Forgot You Died
My husband’s sudden and unexpected death happened on a Wednesday. July 13, 2011. We had gone to sleep the night before, and I still don’t recall saying goodnight. Or saying anything. We simply fell asleep, in the exhaustion of having two jobs and being busy and life. A few hours later, he had left for his volenteer job at the local Petsmart,…
Missing out
Last week one of the parents of a child I teach had a bit of a tantrum after school one day*. It seems her daughter missed out on having an iceblock with the rest of the class because she had been away the previous day. In her seething mother-rage, she shouted at me “It’s not FAIR that Cathy misses out on an iceblock. The rest of the class had…
Eleven
Since it has been a crazy, busy week for me, and since I have been missing my husband in a way that is so intense lately I almost cannot handle it, I thought I would go back through my personal blog and find one of the few “visit” type dreams I have had about Don since he died, and share it with you here. I haven’t had a dream like this one in…
I’ve Met The Most Amazing People ……
This is a post I wrote on my blog ten months after Jim died. I thought that I’d share it with you today. I don’t go back and read most of my posts. I don’t like re-visiting that “cave”. Especially those days where that cold, inky blackness totally engulfed me, filled every pore of my body and threatened to completely suffocate me. But once…
Too Busy
I have report cards due in the next few weeks. Work is hectic as we finish up assessing where the kids are at. Home is stressful as my own kids finish off assessments that their teacher need to assess (but DON’T get me started on teachers who allow assessments to be done at home in primary school and just how many parent’s are earning their…
Pain
“Which do you want: the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?”- Judith LasaterI know that pain is inevitable. In a way, it is something to be looked forward to. But, damn, it still hurts. Causes stress. Doubt. Fear. But like building muscles, we must first be broken down to have the ability to come back…
I Didnt Know
I did not know that it was possible to miss someone this much. I mean – I actually, really, honestly, did not know. I had no idea that I would go see a production of the hilarious play Noises Off tonight, put on by the Theatre Department at the University I teach at; and laugh so hard that my ribs hurt, and then get in my car just a few…