Today I watched the flashmob video from Camp Widow. I was inspired to watch it after seeing the tutorial video on the Soaring Spirits Loss face book page.The tutorial. I barely got through it and only got through it with tears coming from my eyes and my chest feeling tight and sorrow filling every part of my body. And the whys of that were…
Widowed Community
Survivors Club
I’ll be missing Camp Widow West this weekend for the first time since Dave died. I didn’t feel a drive to go this year. I know exactly what I’ll be missing not going, and that makes me sad, but the need to go has faded. I’m not sure what I’ll do next year when camp time comes around. I’m so incredibly grateful for its existence. I found Soaring…
My Parallel Universe
I’ve had a really tough few weeks. In some ways, it has almost felt like I’m right back at the start – crying from the moment I wake up without him in my bed until I pass out each night from exhaustion. Thankfully, it has lifted again in recent days but in the depth of this latest low I realised I was withdrawing from the people in my life in a…
A New Word…
…… that describes what I am. Much better than the old, much-hated word. I think it’s very interesting that the hatred of that word is almost universal. Men hate it as much as women do. The word? Any version of “widow”. Did you hate that word when you first found yourself described as one? I can remember the first time I heard it …… the…
Three
I am just a couple short weeks away from the 3 year mark of my husband Don’s sudden death. I feel like I can’t even type that sentence without breathing differently. 3 years. Three. Years. I have no idea how it is even possible. I have no idea how those words could apply to me. I have no idea …. July 13th will be the 3-year mark. On the first…
What If
One of the amazing and inspiring things that has happened as a result of losing the person I love most in this world to death, is meeting so many incredible and beautiful people who have also lost the person they love most. One of these people is my friend Sarah Treanor. Some of you may know of her, as she is the Sunday writer here at “Widow’s…
Safety in Numbers
I have been in Sydney this week to visit my husband’s family and also attend a national conference on suicide postvention. The conference has brought together people bereaved by suicide with organisations working in the field of suicide postvention, to discuss the need for services in this area and reducing the stigma around suicide. Pretty heavy…
Different
In exactly one week, Friday, June 13th, it will be one month from the 3-year anniversary of my husband’s sudden death. It feels different somehow to me this year, even though the actual day or month is not here yet. First of all, on the first two death anniversaries, I spent them both staying at my parent’s house, with my family. We did a big…
Camp Widow
Since I lost my fiancé almost 2 years ago, I have been acutely aware of how uncomfortable my very presence makes people at times. I talk about it less and less on Facebook, and even with my closest friends and family. It turns out people really don’t like being reminded of death. Who knew? I’ve started to feel like I am carrying around some bad…
Happy
This past Saturday night, while at Camp Widow East in Tampa, Florida – I was sitting at one of the tables at the fancy banquet that Soaring Spirits throws for us during each of the camp events. I was talking to my friend Sarah (who writes in here each Sunday), whom I had been talking with in regular phone calls and online for months and months…
Anam Cara
There are women who have taken care of me since Dave got sick. Just about everything I’ve learned about love and devotion I’ve learned from them. Dave’s death cut the cord keeping me upright on this planet and as I fell, fell, fell, unable to stop the falling, unable to breathe, they cradled me. In every sense of the words, cradled me. In…
First Thursday
February 11 is a happy day for me (also marked with some trepidation) … it’s my son’s birthday. He who is so much his father, is turning three.But since I generally write ahead of time, making use of the time I can sit in front of a computer screen uninterrupted while he’s in child care, and I’m writing on February 7, John’s birthday…