Well so far, 2015 is not going as planned, as I came down with a yucky head cold on New Years Day and have spent the past few days in bed, wishing Dan were here to fuss over me.I had such grand plans of spending the last few days of my Summer holiday enjoying time with my family and friends, hitting the gym to start shaking the couple of kilos that…
Widowed Community
A Monument of Memory
“Sitting on the floor, I’d replay the past in my head. Funny, that’s all I did, day after day after day for half a year, and I never tired of it. What I’d been through seemed so vast, with so many facets. Vast, but real, very real, which was why the experience persisted in towering before me, like a monument lit up at night. And the thing was, it…
Circle of Remembrance
Last Friday our local Kona Hospice hosted their annual Circle of Remembrance event at Hulihe’e Palace. I didn’t go last year; I think it was all just too raw for me then, but this year I felt myself drawn there. I’ve been taking part in their grief counseling services for over a year now which is free for spouse and child loss. We are incredibly…
My Heart
My heart is raw. It breaks open easily. It doesn’t take much. Another memory of the life I lost when Mike died. Another tragic story from another new member of our terrible club. Another heartbreak from a fellow widow having made the effort to find new love and life and been hurt. Another day of pain and sadness in a friend’s ongoing attempt to…
Trying to Keep an Open Heart
I just want to be alone so much lately. I’ve always been a bit introverted, but I literally haven’t wanted to be around anyone at all lately – and that’s not like me. For me, it can be so easy to just close off from the world. I know it’s one of those things I have to be careful about keeping in check. Particularly as an artist – it is extremely…
Connections
I’ve been writing here for nearly six months now and even though there are days I have trouble figuring out what to share…days I don’t want to write anything at all…I think that is to be expected, considering the subject matter, and that I’m not alone in this. I’ve not yet had the pleasure of meeting the other six widows posting here. I hope…
Reaching Out
This week has sucked. Pain. Restriction in mobility. Kid who’s acting up. Change over to summer time so sleep is out of whack. Pain meds making my brain addled, so I’ve not been able to study effectively for an exam I have in about 24 hours. Economics is just plain not computing. Frustration I can’t stand long enough to be able to get the house…
Rebirth on my Birthday
It is 12:40 a.m. east coast time, on Friday, September 26th, and I am writing this blog piece from the Marriott hotel in downtown Toronto, Canada. I am here for Camp Widow, getting set to give my comedy presentation for the 5th time in a row. Sitting in the lobby where the Wi-fi is free on my laptop, exhausted after an almost 12 hour train ride…
The 9-11 Effect
There is something I have noticed in relation to both 9-11 and Don’s death. I refer to it as “the 9-11 Effect.” Remember right after 9-11, how NYC and America, became a totally different place, and people changed overnight from bitter, hurried grumps who didn’t have a second to spare to patriotic, beautiful, generous, patient souls? Remember how in…
Sunrise
So, last week, you may have noticed that my post was strangely invisible in here. Yeah. That is because I totally forgot to write one. I realized this fact somewhere around the time when my name was being called out loud by my friend and Soaring Spirits board member Janine. We were in San Diego. At Camp Widow West. At the Saturday night formal…
Here I Go Again on My Own
Being here in the United States on my own this week has been a very enlightening experience. I have had moments of feeling vulnerable and isolated and also moments of incredible confidence, like I can take on the world. After my husband died it’s been a struggle to adjust to being alone again. I know I can do things without him – I just don’t…
A World of Support: Camp Widow
When I found the Soaring Spirits International website, just after I’d finally gone online with my story and shortly before I became one of the seven widow’s blogging here at Widow’s Voice, I found a deep solace in the smiling faces on the photos of past events at Camp Widow. Here was a group of people dedicated to a beautiful community of…