This past weekend some of my in-laws visited; Erik’s dad, his stepmom, and his older brother. It’s always great to have them visit and the twins always love being around them. While they were only here for a short while we made the most of it. As a solo mom, planning anything even just for […]
Widowed by Suicide
No Time
As I started to get ready for bed tonight, I realized it was Monday and I haven’t yet written anything. Our days feel so packed right now I don’t find myself looking too far forward. Which is probably why I am squeezing these posts out so late. Just under the chaos of everything, I know […]
The Little Things
A repost! I miss the little things. The things not many people talk about in loss. I don’t just miss my person on holidays, anniversaries, or milestones, but all those in between days. All the in-between minutes and seconds and moments. Something as simple as how he used to hug me from behind as I […]
Preparing for the Deathiversary
The kids and I made a plan for what to do on the upcoming third anniversary of Tony’s death. One of the boys and I were by ourselves driving recently when he asked me about camping. If we were ever going camping again, at a specific location Tony loved. I told him we would go […]
Where is your Dad?
Today during school pickup a little girl from the twins’ class ran up to me and started pulling at my jacket. As I was in the middle of hugging Charlotte, I didn’t pay her much attention. She kept pulling on my jacket as persistent as ever. So I looked down at her smiled and said, […]
April Again
Today marks the beginning of another April. This is THE month for me, the one we lost Tony. Last week I was chatting with a friend, and she asked me how I was feeling with the anniversary coming up soon. Also noting that it will be 3 years and how many people told me that […]
Dear Hubby
St. Patrick’s Day 2024 marked two years since Erik took his last breath. This year seemed to be more challenging in different ways than I remembered year one being. It seemed to hit harder and more vivid. I was so much more aware of the situation and my feelings and everything that has happened since […]
Managing the Storm
A repost! Ever since Erik’s passing I’ve had a hard time finding something just for myself. Something that would take my mind off grieving just for a little bit, but also something I could look forward to that wasn’t just obligations of daily life. Around the 6 month mark, people started telling me, “You need […]
When it Rains it Pours
What a week! Sometimes, life just piles it on, doesn’t it? Last week, was spring break so the kids were home all week. I didn’t take any time off work, so we did our best to balance it all. They ran a little feral through the neighborhood with their friends. I had to replenish the […]
The Solo Road
As many of us know, being a solo parent has many, many challenges to say the least. Lately trying to balance being a solo mom with dealing with my grief has been quite overwhelming as we inch closer to Erik’s second death anniversary. Early on in my grief, a lot of my insecurities and worries […]
Impending Milestone
Next Sunday is our wedding anniversary. Because it’s on St. Patrick’s Day, people tend to remember the date. Last night, my friends were asking how I wanted to spend that day and offered companionship if I needed it. I know I won’t be heading to any of the city’s parades. As one friend dryly joked, […]
The Dark Day
As we have now entered the dark month I find myself significantly more anxious during my days, more than I have been for a while. I feel like I have been trying so hard to not live in the days of 2022 leading to that dark day. It seems as if any second I have […]