Last Thursday, all of my closest friends flew in from around the country for our annual trip to see each other. Since 2012, when Drew died, we have been making it a point to come from far and wide to spend a weekend together celebrating his life and our friendships. We call it Drewfest, and this year was our sixth year. It was the first year having…
Widowed and Healing
Now What?
With hindsight, I know that there is no way I could have better prepared for what has been required of me since Mike died. Widowhood is something you have to live to fully understand. There is no way to adequately explain this life in words. It is something that has to be experienced first hand to be comprehended. This being the case,…
The New Stove
Every now and then something seemingly ordinary happens in our widow lives that has so much more meaning. Something that other people would really not think anything of. I had one of these a few weeks ago, when the glass top on our stove cracked. This was a stove that my new person, Mike, and his late-wife, Megan, had in their house for a decade. A…
Semper Fidelis
Yesterday was memorial day in the United States. Every year, on the last Monday in May, we Americans fire up the grill, go to parades, ignite fireworks, buy red-white-and-blue everything, and celebrate the unofficial start of summer. We hang our flags, complain about the heat, and have a drink or four to commemorate the day off from work.
Marry Me.
On May 25, 2016, he asked me to marry him. Then, he died before our wedding day. I have sat here re-reading those two sentences again and again and again. I just can’t seem to process the words the letters are forming. My mind can not make sense of what I am reading. My heart can not accept the words on the page. I do not know if…
Once Upon a TIME
Still, After one year, six months, and six days, Almost every thought still begins with you. I am unable to live completely in the moment, And, I struggle to be present, Because, In my mind, I am endlessly travelling to a better place in time, Again and again. I return to this place, Where you existed once upon a time. ~Staci Sulin~ Time. …
Meeting in Dreams
This past week, I had a pretty crazy dream. It’s the first time of this sort that I have ever had. As many of you know, our Tuesday writer, Mike, is my boyfriend. He lost his wife, Megan, in 2014 to Cystic Fibrosis and I lost my fiance, Drew, in 2012 in a crash. We’ve been dating now a few years, and still nothing like this dream has showed up…
Ink to Remember
I’m writing you all on my phone, in the back room of a tattoo shop in Cleveland. An odd place to write from, and no, I’m not the one getting the tattoo… but my sister is. Her first. My nephew, her son, is apprenticing as a tattoo artist and is doing hers. This is in so many ways so very cool. Getting to be here for it and watch is something I’m…
Second Time Around
Does our soul get more than one soulmate? Yes. And no. This is what I believe. …. Our soul is perhaps the biggest part of our makeup, as human beings. It is what carries all the important stuff. Emotion, heart, love. I think that with life experience, age, and time, our souls change and alter some. I think after the death of a partner or…
Meeting Myself Where I Am
I’ve been thinking the past few days about Kelley’s Friday post. She talked about how people treat us when widowed, and the frustrations of often being treated like a five year old or misunderstood in some way. Or how people begin to act differently again once you find new love. That one I can definitely attest to. I wrote to her, saying how it…
Make Your Past
What do I think about on these Tuesday mornings, 3 ½ years after Megan died? It’s a question that I generally ask myself on the way into work, in preparation for publishing some kind of anecdote, observation, or predicament here on Soaring Spirits, in the hopes that a person will read and experience a “me too” or “oh wow, I never thought…
Smile
He loved my smile. And, let me tell you, I smiled a lot because of him. I loved my life – when he was in it. I wore my smile like a permanent accessory because my life was beautiful. Our joy permeated the air around us. Our laughter echoed off every one near us. Our words to one another were always heartfelt. We looked at each other with a…