Photo source: mapofthenight Grief takes us to a secluded, dark place. We hesitate. We resist settling into this lonely realm. But, in order to slowly breathe life back into ourselves, We have to temporarily take residence in this muted, mysterious environment, I resisted this shadowy, hidden place for a long, long time. I…
Widowed and Healing
The Me Now
I sometimes feel like I have 2 identities: the me before and the me after my husband, Mike, died. I was originally going to introduce myself by introducing the me before I became a widow but that wasn’t sitting well with me as a first impression. It’s not really who I am today. It is still important to how my current identity developed but it…
Aloha and Mahalo
One of the things I’ve learned – one of the great many things I’ve learned since becoming a widow is that life is change. All things shift, turn on their heads, ebb and flow, and come to an end. We can’t stop it though we may try. I might have thought I understood that before Mike died, but now I really get it. Because something has happened…
The Dance
When Grief comes, Take her in your arms and dance with her. Don’t resist. Fall into her. Move and sway in time with her. Hold her carefully. Then, when the music is over, Look her in the eyes and thank her for the dance. Source: pinterest Maybe the words are too kitschy. Maybe this image of Grief is overly sentimental and…
Loving You in Separation
I feel like each breathe I take puts more distance between us. You are in another place. A place I don’t know. A dimension I can’t fully understand because I am still here. You exist somewhere far from me; yet, somehow you are right here beside me. You are everywhere; and, also nowhere to be found. My Soul loves you, forever, for…
Off Kilter
My memories of Mike echo off the walls of the house, yet the silence in my home is deafening. Everything is quiet now. Death makes your whole world go silent. I think this is by design. We need this noiseless environment and solitude to contemplate how we will re-create ourselves. As we do the work of re-defining our identity we need to…
New Year, New You!
New year, new you! (Scene: Black and white video of someone crying) Do you suffer from grief? Tired of going through life thinking about your dead loved one? When you go to the grocery store, do you see a favorite food of your late loved one, and immediately make your way to the wine and tissue aisle? (Scene: Cut to oversaturated video…
I’m Building my Wings on the Way Down
Ringing in the new year without you is something I never want to do. This year, or ever. No matter how much time passes, no matter how my life changes; and no matter where I am standing on New Year’s Eve, I know that I will always pause and think of you. I will always want you to still be alive, here with me. And, always, I will want to…
Galaxies within Us
Nearing New Year’s, of course we’re all looking back. Or maybe some of us aren’t because we don’t want to – or we just can’t. I imagine a lot of us are ready to leave 2017 in the dust. I certainly am. Not perhaps in the same way I was ready to leave 2012 in the dust… that was more about running away from my reality and my pain. This…
Creating Christmas
This year, Christmas has given me a lot to consider. Reminders to give myself ample time to take care of all that needs doing, so I don’t get overwhelmed. To give myself at least 30 minutes each day to myself, to do something that relaxes me, like yoga or taking a walk or drawing, in order to help me stay sane. That daily maintenance has been a…
Who Am I ?
Life after the death of the person you love demands that you ask yourself BIG questions. Ironically, the questions are often about life and living. I have asked myself over and over again, Who am I now that Mike has died? Maybe part of…
A New Lease
Another sleepless night. Eyes wide open, I finally get up. I pace through the house, small as it is, investigating this or that I think I will or will not take to the new place, for the millionth time. Thinking about all the things I have already taken to the new place, for the millionth time. Our new place, my boyfriend’s and mine. …