Does our soul get more than one soulmate?
This is what I believe. ….
Our soul is perhaps the biggest part of our makeup, as human beings. It is what carries all the important stuff. Emotion, heart, love. I think that with life experience, age, and time, our souls change and alter some. I think after the death of a partner or spouse, our souls become different. They transform. Sure, the core of who we are remains – some personality traits, things like that. But our soul, the way we view the world, the way we love – changes drastically after the death of a partner or spouse. So, to me, the soul and the person I was, when I was with my husband and loved by him, is not the same soul and person I am today, because of his death. That soul deserved love. This one does too. The way I love is different now, and the person I am today, has a soulmate. My first soulmate lives on in my heart, and through all my memories and stories about us. As his widow, I feel honored and privileged to be the one to carry out his legacy, and build my own, on the foundation that is love. The bricks are all built from love.
I’m doing things differently this second time around. I can’t help it. It’s who I am now. It’s a part of my makeup, in this life after death.
I am saying “I love you” to the person I love, numerous times, as often as possible. Some may think its overkill or can grow stale – but I don’t see it that way. Each time I say it, I mean it 1000%. Each time I say it, every part of me knows inside my bones, that it could be the last time I am allowed to say it. This person could walk out that door and never come back. They could die. I could die. If that should happen, I want them dying knowing 1000%, that I love them, and that my love grows for them every day. If I die, I want to die knowing that one of the last things I heard and knew, was my person telling me they love me. I did not get that chance with Don. Sudden death takes all those chances away. No good mornings. No goodbyes. (I would have never said goodbye anyway) No “I love you.” I didn’t say it enough in my marriage, and now he’s dead. I will not make that same mistake twice. I have spent months and years beating myself up, for not saying these words enough in the days before he died, and just in general. It is a terrible feeling, to not be totally sure if the person you loved, really truly knew how appreciated and loved and cared for they were. I have to believe he knew, but I will never know for sure, if during the week of his death, he felt loved and appreciated by me. It breaks my heart to this day, to even think about it.
So, this second time around, I could tell my guy 200 times a day that I love him, and it will still never feel like enough. For my part, I will try to keep my “I love you’s” to under the 200 mark, so he doesn’t go screaming and running away from me in horror. But that’s the best I can do, really. Because “I love you” are the three most gorgeous words on earth, and I will say them with pride, with thought, and like it’s my last day with the honor to do so.
Widowed friends – how has death changed your “I love you?” I would love to know.