Here we are at yet another milestone, which I find myself doing alone. I have been in full-on preparation mode for the last two weeks as I get ready for the twins’ kindergarten open enrollment. Even though I had spent some time prepping and doing research last year, it didn’t hit me as hard as […]
Sea of Serendipity
A repost! Whew! It has been a hectic few weeks. I feel like I’m always in survival go-go-go mode where I’m just going through the motions of doing things without really being fully present in what I’m doing. I guess it comes with the territory of being a solo parent. Lately, I’ve been trying to […]
Lunar New Year Eve Reflections
As I sit here finishing my preparations for the Lunar New Year tomorrow I can’t help but look back on this past year. Lunar New Year has always been one of the most important holidays to our family next to Christmas and 4th of July. It was one that I welcomed Erik to be a […]
The Solo Road
This past week I had the privilege of attending one of my best friend’s wedding. Although I had anticipated the feelings that would accompany going to another wedding without Erik, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I felt those five days. As always, leaving the twins is always hard. The anxiety set in as I […]
The Cycle of Time
And so begins another year. Another year of accepting a reality that looked so different than what I thought life would be. This year seemed to have started off so hectic. From another holiday season where it just felt like I was running on fumes trying to keep up with the world, yet still trying […]
Another New Year, Another Chapter Without You
As I sit here on New Year’s Eve reflecting on my day compared to all those past New Year’s Eves I can’t help but daydream about what we would be doing if you were still here today. Thinking about all our past memories and all those memories yet to be made that you will continue […]
‘Tis the Tangled Lights
A repost – Merry Christmas Eve! And there goes the second December without Erik. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. December is always such a hard time. The holiday season starts with our wedding anniversary on the eve of Christmas Eve. This second year of celebrating the holidays without Erik hit me […]
Even Santa Can’t Do This
It has been a whirlwind of a season. When the holidays came around this year I told myself I would focus more on being present for the twins than worrying about to-do lists. I told myself I would focus on letting myself feel the grief I needed to during this time rather than pushing it […]
So many holiday feels…
Here we are yet again. Knee-deep already in another holiday season. This one has been a little different than last. The twins are another year older and understanding more. The excitement and joy of the season for them is just as much, if not more this year. I find myself battling internally with trying to […]
Sparkly Grief
It’s that time of year yet again. I feel conflicted yet I am trying so hard not to take away from the magic of this season for the twins. The holiday season this year seemed to creep up on me. I was so focused on getting ready for our trip in October that by the […]
Daddy is Dead.
Last night was really tough. The twins and I were in our after-school routine, as we were most weekdays. I started the bath as usual and put one twin in after the next. As I began to wash Charlotte’s hair, Wyatt said to me, “I really really really want Daddy, Mommy. He’s taking foreverrrrrr to […]
If Only.
As I was driving the twins home from school on Friday something hit me. Just out of the blue, I started to full on cry. The kind of crying that I couldn’t do silently. The kind I couldn’t hide. The kind where I felt it deep down in the pit of my stomach. I tried […]