I did find traveling helped with my grief while also making me feel close to Erik. But that wasn’t something that I could do daily or weekly. I needed something that could just shut off my thoughts for a little bit. I tried meditation, journaling, reading, barre, walking on the beach, yoga, cooking classes, and so on and so on. While some helped others didn’t and none helped for an extended period. It might have helped once or twice but then I found myself not being able to get out of my head. At the end of last year as the holiday rush was just getting to be too much I needed an outlet. That’s when I found a gym that surprisingly worked for me. I’ve never been a “gym girl” and I did try some fitness classes prior but I finally found a place that I wanted to go back to and truly looked forward to going back to each day. I’ve been able to try different classes while also feeling like I was doing good for my body at the same time. I’m not sure if it has been the adrenaline of having to get out the stress from the holidays but I’ve been consistently going almost every weekday since December. I started feeling as if I needed it on those days that I couldn’t go. And I found myself having the desire to go for those days that were tough. It has become my hour of just pure peace for my mind and soul. No thinking. No worrying. No replays of that day that changed my entire life. I’m hoping that these classes continue to make me feel that breath of relief a couple of times a week that I have been so desperately looking for.

Learning to navigate this grief is like trying to swim against the currents in a storm. Some days are harder than others while some are easier. The “I miss you” sits in the background of my days even as I learn to manage the ache that still sits deep down. So I will take any activities or distractions, that continue to help me get through the days, as a win.