The day Phil died I had no idea what kind of roller coaster ride I was about to board. In many ways I felt I was shuffled onto the first outgoing cart marked “grief,” and told to put my lap belt on low and tight. Maybe I would have managed the twists and turns of the journey better if someone handed me a grief timeline that mapped out the course…
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Day 365
Todaywasabeautiful day.I amhere.At day 365 not just standing but rooted grateful and joyful to take the next breath. The grief is not gone. Do not be fooled. It will lurk within me surface at unforgettable moments until I draw my last breath. But today T-O-D-A-Y I am grateful to Art. Grateful for the life we had together and grateful for all those…
Your Final Moments
When I came across the excerpt below, it made me not only reflect on what may flash before my eyes in those final moments, but comforted me in knowing that what flashed before my husband’s eyes when that time came. A life he enjoyed watching. So here’s to us…and our journey to enjoy the ride, and when the time comes…our final…
Dating help from Jeff
I have realized through my recent, brief and unsuccessful foray into the world of widowed dating that I am most definitely not looking for Jeff. It is not that I am measuring how certain men stand up to the man that Jeff was. It’s that I am looking at them through not only my eyes, but Jeff’s as well.Yesterday, as I stood in line at the bank, I…
more birthday
two saturdays ago, a whole bunch of people came together to celebrate madeline’s first birthday.her actual birthday was on march 24, but this was the first time we could get (almost) everyone together many of our family members flew in (two even drove from the mn) and a lot of madeline’s friends showed up. it was an amazing day for the…
Time in a Bottle ….
I found myself thinking about time recently. About time with Jim. Past time. I thought that I wish I could have bottled up certain times in our life together so that I’d still have them. The bottles would sit up on the shelves along with our photo albums. Any time that I found myself missing him (and when did I not?) I could open up a bottle, take…
Time to Be
I had some time this weekend – me time. Me and Michele time if I’m completely truthful, but it was me time just the same. A couple of days with no cares in the world. This weekend it all came together. A sudden realization that the opportunity was there and so was the free airline ticket. The last minute recruitment of a fabulous Grandma to take…
I’m OK?
Today looked like this…. I got up. I laughed before the big toe of my left foot hit the floor. I left at 8:15 for an 8:30 class that was a 20 minute drive away. I drove giggling…my lateness, some things never change.I didn’t know anyone in the class. I didn’t feel like knowing anyone from the class. At the class, I didn’t eat the granola bar,…
Ain’t No Love
Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert, I’ve become more consumed in his lyrics and songs. This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like “what is this?! I love it!”)I emailed it to a couple of my widow friends a few weeks back, telling them that the lyrics nailed down my life when I was disillusioned by…
turning tables
I’m sure that every widow/er has done it….Wondered if their spouse would have ‘managed’ had the tables been turned. Pondered over the differences that their loss would have created rather than their spouse’s.Jeff was known for his laughter…Would it have returned? Would he still be sleeping with our little ones tucked up in our bed each night,…
a year
a year? yes. a year. what a difference a year doesn’t make. or does it?march 24 and march 25. one year later. but a year, a year is nothing. it’s a second. no. it’s a minute. or maybe it’s an hour. doesn’t matter. we continue doing what we need to do. every second of every day. but march 26? it’s the same as january 29 or august 5 of…
It’s No Longer the First Thing …..
…. that I think of in the morning. It occurred to me the other day …. that my first thought in the morning is no longer ….. “Jim is dead”. In fact, my first thought now isn’t even about Jim. This realization gives me mixed feelings. I feel happy that grief doesn’t occupy my every thought now. But I also feel sad …… that it doesn’t.I know…