Have you ever had to lie to protect yourself? To protect what’s left of you? I thought I was ready to go back to work 3 months after David was killed. I have no particular logic as to why I thought it was time to mingle with the “others” but I assumed if I just refused eye contact I’d be OK. In my line of work, you see the same people maybe once…
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The Inconsistency of Consistency ….
If there’s one thing you can count on while on this road through widowhood (and there’s not much!) ….. it’s how constantly inconsistent everything seems to be ……. especially, but not limited to, our emotions. I used to think I was crazy ….. early on the path. I mean, after the first few months of black blurriness, I started to emerge once…
Pennies from Heaven
Years ago I was walking with a friend and we came upon a dime lying on the ground. Seeming disappointed, she stooped to pick up the coin saying she thought it was a penny. When I asked why she wanted a penny, she looked up at me and said, “Don’t you know the story of pennies from heaven?” After I told her that I’d heard the phrase, but didn’t know…
Birthday Thoughts
Tomorrow is Daniel’s 39th birthday. I haven’t seen him since he was 35, and that thought surprises me in a way that seems ridiculous. I know he’s been gone three and a half years, but not seeing him since he was 35? “Inconceivable!” The passage of time is a mystery to me. There are moments when it seems like he just left, and others when it feels…
Widows Loving Again
Dear Wonderful Widow. What did it feel like the first time someone reassured you that you would find love again, that you would find another man, and that it was just a matter of time? The first person who mentioned the possibility of a new love to me, well, I wanted to break her legs. Ok, maybe this is a little extreme, but it was only a few…
I am not alone.
Confession: I am not fun when hungry. When my hunger sets in I get a headache, become weak, and I’m grumpy! I can’t hide my hunger well, and David knew this better than anyone. The moment I became difficult he’d ask, “Have you eaten today?” “No.” His action? Drop everything and get my wife some food! David always prevented my “hunger monster” from…
Monday, Monday…
Yesterday was one of those days. The kind that finds you hitting the snooze button, feeling a bit under the weather, and wishing like crazy it wasn’t Monday morning. Regardless of my wish, the demands of life motivated me to drag my tired butt out of bed and get going. Money doesn’t make itself, and little boys don’t take themselves to…
Sorry to Meet You ….
…. ummmm, what? Doesn’t that sound a bit rude? SORRY to meet you? Well, one would assume that the above statement is very rude indeed …… if one is a person who is not reading this blog because they are not on this “path”. For the women (and men) who read this blog because you are on this path, I am very, very sorry to meet you.Let me…
Team Dippel
When my husband received his third and final cancer diagnosis in the fall of 2005, he decided to formalize his support team and designed a T-shirt that he intended to make and pass out to his posse. His shirt read: “Team Dippel, Living to Fight – Fighting to Live” on the front and on the back it read: “Fight to be Cancer Free in 2006”.
Who Am I?
Who am I? At 21, life threw a wrench into the mechanics of my life. I had found all the parts that made me me, all the parts that kept my heart racing, all the parts that made my dreams come true. But on May 21, 2007 a phone call would take it all away. Michael had been killed by multiple roadside bombs while serving in Baghdad, Iraq.My soul mate,…
Stronger than Death
I woke up the morning of January 8th, 2008 elated to be alive! I guess you can say David and I grew up together. We met when we were 12 years old. My soulmate. I’ve held only his strong hands, kissed only his beautiful lips, and slept next to only his gorgeous body. My husband always said I was a “happy” morning person and that morning was no…