So, here I am, writing my first blog right before Valentine’s Day. Right before what would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. I’m getting ahead of myself, I know. I was going to introduce myself, give some back-story, and I promise I will. But maybe, because of the timing of this first entry, I’ll give you a glimpse into the world that was…
Blog
First Thursday
February 11 is a happy day for me (also marked with some trepidation) … it’s my son’s birthday. He who is so much his father, is turning three.But since I generally write ahead of time, making use of the time I can sit in front of a computer screen uninterrupted while he’s in child care, and I’m writing on February 7, John’s birthday…
Time
Finding ways to fill my time after Dave died was a huge challenge. I needed to stay busy and connected to others, but I wasn’t any good for social situations, especially early on. I was zombie-like and had difficulty relating to anyone else who hadn’t experienced widowhood. I couldn’t talk about what I used to talk about. Gossip, work-related…
Signs of Flight
Since Drew was a helicopter pilot, helicopters and anything to do with flying are always the biggest signs I get from him. I even found a tiny toy helicopter in this shack on the island of Barbados last spring while vacationing there with his family. It had washed up on the beach and the guy collected it to sell in his shop. No joke!And just a few…
Lost
I was having a farewell dinner this evening with a friend…which usually equates to sharing our thoughts on life and all that it teaches/has taught us thus far.At one point during our conversation, he looked at me and said, “Taryn, there was a quote from a book that changed my life. I want to share it and I want you to absorb it.”Intense!That was…
Philip Seymour Hoffman – What a Waste
How could he be so selfish? He had a wife and 3 kids. Didn’t he care at all about them? Why would he throw it all away to do drugs? Life gave him everything. He had money, opportunity, talent. He had it all, and he still chose to do heroin anyway. Why didn’t he just stop? What a waste. Pretty harsh, right? Yeah. Just writing it and then reading…
Questions?
Where is…?Who put that there…?When…?Why is……the bottle of brown sauce in the crockery cupboard?Did I put it there… or did John? I don’t remember doing that… but I don’t remember seeing John in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner, either. It must have been me that put the sauce in there, but have no recollection what so ever…
Dark and Hidden
I am honest on this blog in that I don’t lie about anything I write. Ever. But I don’t shareabout everything here. I don’t talk about the problems in my marriage with Dave and I don’t talk much about my dating life now. There are some things I just don’t want to write about here. But what would it be like if we all had a moment or a day or a week…
To Be Changed
Last night just before going to bed, for some reason I felt called to go back through some really old journal entries from the years leading up to when I met Drew. I don’t always pay attention to those little cues, but last night for whatever reason I did. I smiled to read some of the entries about our first days together… about how safe and…
O
I recently came across this quote and found it spot on! Even nearly 7 years later, I find others questioning my choices (new and old) on how I have not only survived Micheal’s death, but chosen to thrive, grow and live afterwards. It made me realize that although Clementine hit the mark, she forgot a necessary factor. She forgot to add something…
Grieving for Two
After two and a half years of feeling this soul-changing, earth-shattering loss, I just realized something sort of huge. Well, I always knew it, but I just stopped and actually thought about it, and now I am able to put it into words. It is this: I grieve on behalf of my husband more than I grieve for my husband. I hope that makes sense. I…