Yesterday marked the two year anniversary of the day I lost my husband to depression. It’s the hardest day of the year for me. I miss him always and there are obviously times that are harder than others, like our wedding anniversary, Christmas and birthdays. However while those days bring sadness, it’s his death anniversary that has me…
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Any Other Day
Any other day, I would have opened my eyes at 6:00 A.M., sleepily rubbed my eyes, and shifted my way to the edge of the bed. I would have woken Shelby up, as always, and gone about the mindless morning routine of feeding the dogs, making coffee, watching the news, and determining what clothes I would be wearing to work. Today isn’t any other…
She is…
She stands alone on her porch gazing up at the night sky remembering all the countless nights in years past she stood there together with her lost love. She remembers how they gaped at the star-filled sky, the Milky Way, the shining moon, here in this remote outback of the world, so far from any big city lights…the excitement they shared over a…
The W Word~
Widow. It’s a loaded word, isn’t it?I use the word in reference to both women and men, or I write the word widow and just add a slash and an er at the end. Because I’m a bottom line type of person, I appreciated best the definition from Thesaurus.com. Noun: woman with dead husband. That definition suits me primarily because it isn’t…
Silver Linings Playbook
I’ve noted a shift in my overall attitude since Megan’s death. I was somewhat of a pessimist in years past; always finding the bad news in any nugget of information that may have come my way. Perhaps it was the shock of losing my wife that finally changed my outlook in everyday life. I now take events or news with a different eye, one…
The Other Side: Dating A Widower
One of the most surprising things to come out of Drew’s death for me has not only been to find someone new, but for that person to also be widowed. This isn’t something I ever expected to happen, and it’s given me the unique opportunity to be on the other end of widowhood in a way I honestly never imagined I would be. For a long time after Drew…
Second Year Milestones… and Counting
This coming Friday will be the second anniversary of my husband’s suicide. Two years. I can’t believe I made it this far. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve kissed his sweet face and felt his hand in mine. I can’t believe a whole 24 months of my life has passed since that day I lost my innocence and saw first-hand that the…
Dying
So this past Monday, July 13th, was the 4 year “anniversary” of my husband’s sudden death. (I’m putting that word in quotes because I don’t like that word to describe the day someone died. It makes it sound like a great big party or something to celebrate.) My once a month session with my grief counselor happened to fall on that day, so I decided…
Gone Dancing
I can’t believe Mike is really gone forever. I just can’t wrap my head around that fact. He feels so alive to me in my heart; in my mind’s eye I see him going about his days as he did, his enthusiastic energy always pulsing within my purview. Mike was just one of those people who was…just so full of life. I’ve run into two friends this…
JesusMaryandJoseph is all I have to Say About This~
What’s weird about this is that I haven’t even entered into the world of dating. And yet I hear from a man I met along the road in my travels, a man who is a widower, a man who is a veteran, who took it upon himself to read something huge into 2 brief meetings over a 2 year period, and, upon realizing that I don’t return his affections, also…
Enough
This photo was taken a year ago, on the 12th of July, and came up on my FB page as a ‘memory’. I hate those memory posts. They are a stark reminder of the sadness and turmoil of this past year, as I have wandered through the days without my husband. But this one was shocking to me. It is a photo of some rocks, near my home, called Worm…
The Distance Between Us
You know what I’m learning lately? New happiness can be a strangely lonely and difficult journey. When I was deeply in my grief, I experienced the other kind of loneliness… the one where no one REALLY wants to know how you are doing. Where they don’t see YOU anymore and all they see is the grief. Where you are a constant reminder to others of the…