For the first few weeks after Phil’s death anything that had touched his body was sacred. His shoes were sitting where he last left them, his lunchbox remained on top of the refrigerator, and his toothbrush was standing next to mine in the holder. One day I found an eyelash of his and pressed it into a plastic rosary holder for safekeeping. Three…
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Wish You Were Here
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed the past few weeks. It’s not grief, but life. A lot of life happening. Having an anniversary for the first time with someone new, and Valentine’s Day. My sister coming to visit me, and Mike’s daughter Shelby having her 9th birthday. Meeting a whole bunch of Mike’s cousins, aunts and uncles I’d yet to meet.
What does a Widow Look Like?
Today I met up with a couple of my dear widowed friends who I’m working with on a project to support widowed people. During our discussions, we spoke about how we will need some photographs of widowed people to use in our materials and started brainstorming how we can depict widowedhood – and in particular, a widowed community – with images. …
I Will Never Move On
(reposted from my personal blog: ripthelifeiknew.com , as written yesterday) Last night, I was talking to a new widower friend of mine on the phone, when he suddenly shifted the topic of conversation and posed a huge challenge to me. Im not sure if he saw it as a challenge, but I did. He asked me to do him a favor. When I asked him what the favor…
Death Day
My friend and fellow widow Karin here in Kona was talking about her husband’s death day last month…the conversation went on before I really realized how that term flew by so clearly and succinctly without us having to explain what that meant, though I hadn’t used it before. Death day. That day, we all know; that day, we all remember, that…
Just Dance. Just Drive. Just Talk and Just Be.
In no time at all, I’ll be going back on the road. Launch date: May 1 at the latest. My intention is to stay out on the road this time. I’ll visit friends and family, but will stay in my T@b Teardrop, PinkMagic, primarily. I’ve missed the coziness of her, the cocoon that she is to me.This time in Arizona has been what I needed it to…
Taking Things for Granted
You don’t realize how important the little things are until you don’t have them. It could be something as simple as sitting on the couch, watching TV until you fall asleep with your partner, and it is taken for granted. Then you lose that person. I’ll admit that I was eased into some of the more technical aspects of the widower…
Nouns and Adjectives
The words we use to define ourselves often begin with the roles we play in life. We each have roots as someone’s child, and grandchild. Family ties may link us as a brother or sister; aunt or uncle; niece or nephew. Choosing to marry creates the roles of husband and wife. Many parents consider the title of mother or father to be their primary…
Valentine’s for all Kinds
So this is my first Valentine’s Day since Drew died that I am celebrating with a man. That’s big. It’s been 3 years now. In those years since he died, I have celebrated with my best friend. Each year, I drove up to Dallas and we would go out somewhere nice, me and her, and sometimes her Mom and another girlfriend or two. Together we would…
I Want To Share This With Him
It’s been two-and-a-half years in and the grief can still sneak up and surprise me in ways that I’m not expecting… I recently decided to go back to university and do some further Post Graduate study in my career of public relations. I took a step back when Dan died unexpectedly from depression but a few months ago I started feeling ready to…
So What Day
My husband, Phil, used to call Valentine’s Day ‘So What Day’…romantic, huh? He thought greeting cards were a waste of trees; that buying flowers because someone told you to defeated the purpose; and that going to dinner on the big day just to eat from a limited menu and have servers anxiously awaiting your departure from the table was…
Monkeying Around
In the Chinese zodiac, Mike was a snake. He was born in 1953 which was the water snake. Each animal has five elements, so being that the animals recur every 12 years, if you multiply that by the five elements, the exact animal under which you were born doesn’t reappear again until you are 60. Mike’s full-cycle water snake began February 9,…