This past week Nicole (WSM) and I were both able to speak to military widows from the Vietnam era. Now we did it in different ways (mine was on the phone and hers was at the podium), but both brought us to the realization that we were overlapping two generations with one common thing, sharing our stories of love, grief and survival.The woman I…
widowed suddenly
New Adventures
This is a picture from my vacation last week. I’d love to tell you all that it was the most fantastic trip I’ve ever been on. That, however, would be a lie. It was mostly …. not fun. It was mostly ….. lonely. It was mostly …. painful. I really, really needed Jim there. But there is no answer for that need ….. and so I move…
Life In Yellow
So, it is Tourde France time. This may or may not mean anything to you, but in this house Tour Time is a big deal. The Tour deFrance is the granddaddy of cycling races, made famous in recent years by the athletic feats of Lance Armstrong. You will notice in any photo of me that I am wearing a bright yellow LIVESTRONG wristband. I took the…
More than a Guest Book
Being required to plan a funeral right after someone dies is cruel and unusual punishment. Yes, I know, arranging a final resting place for the deceased loved one is necessary…but putting together a thoughtful celebration of the person you love is incredibly difficult when you are still trying to register the fact that they are actually dead.
The Ocean
I cannot think of any better example of this new chapter of mine than that of an ocean. Waves are a constant but there are days when all is calm, and then there are the days where they crash on the sand with all their power and might. So goes the same with my grief.There are moments of serene beauty. The sun rises and the sun sets and all is well,…
What Might Have Been
Last night I was sitting on the front porch enjoying a gorgeous summer night. Wispy strips of clouds lined the sky and created a red and orange evening canvas. As the breeze blew over me I was reminded of the many summer nights I sat in the same place on the porch chatting with Phil. As I called up memories of July evenings past the driveway was…
Filterless
Tomorrow is the last full day of my vacation with Son #2 and #3. I knew this vacation would be “different” …. since it was our first one without Jim. But I really had no clue as to how very different it would be.It has been difficult, to say the least. I expected waves ….. but I didn’t expect quite so many. I expected tough times, but I…
On My Own Two Feet
Before Phil died I never questioned my ability to stand on my own two feet. Being in a relationship was something I loved, but I didn’t believe that living life as a pair was mandatory for achieving happiness. My husband was my partner and my friend, but we were definitely two individuals with our own opinions and preferences…that didn’t always…
Why Me?
I will admit that I have uttered the phrase, “Why me?” on more than one occasion. I could follow that with the similar, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is THAT person still alive while Phil is dead?” and a few others that are equally ugly. But the land of the ugly is where I resided for quite a while, and sometimes a place I still visit.
Happy 4th of July!
Today marks another holiday that truly puts into perspective just all that our husbands fought, loved and died for. I will not lie….Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and 4th of July used to be holidays that seemed to melt together. Besides separate months, fireworks and parades, I truly never felt to full capacity what each really stood for and meant…
Thus begun our Dance
It was a clear, sunny morning on July 2nd, 2005, not an ugly cloud in the sky. I got ready in a room with the women most pronounced in my life at that time. I was escorted by the 8 beautiful women of my bridal party through the hotel and across the country club in California. I stopped briefly at the white fence behind the gorgeous gazebo before…
Perspective ….
….. is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? This picture was from our last vacation. The last day of our last vacation to be exact. In June of 2007. Six months before Jim died. It was a “different” vacation for us. A different perspective. Only half of our children were able to go. The three girls were working that summer and could…