I am pissed . . . . ….. please forgive my crassness. Since Jim died I haven’t had anyone around to give me a disapproving glance for unladylike language so ……. it’s been much more difficult to be ladylike. I think it goes with the experience. Deep breath here. This will be one of those honestly honest posts. I’m not sure who should take the…
widow
Quiet the Mind (Rest in the Riddle – part 5001)
I had a little time to check in with me, myself, and I this weekend. Not as much as I could have used, but I did get a few moments of serenity. I sat on a balcony, watched golfers pass by, listened to a waterfall, and enjoyed the lazy circling of a wasp in search of its nest. I wasn’t alone for this moment of relative stillness, and I’m certain the…
Grief, Parenting, and Coping
Parenting is both overwhelmingly rewarding, and unrelentingly challenging. Some days we glow with pride at the accomplishments of our little angels; other days we may wonder how our best laid plans went awry. Sharing parental duties with a wonderful partner definitely helps manage the roller coaster ride we call parenthood…there is someone to…
Gushing
I’ve written ELEVEN Thank you notes this week. ELEVEN!!! Eleven hand written notes filled with gratitude and gratefulness for the things people in my life did for me.There were the three dinners I had at friend’s houses that included a great amount of laughter and connection and the feeding of my three children. One went to the paralegal who…
Broken Heart
Sometimes I wonder how…. I had the Johnny and June idea about our life together. One of us would die and within a couple of months the other would die of a broken heart. Fast forward to almost 3 years later, and that theory has been proven wrong…..Even though there have been many times I’ve begged for it’s brokenness to take over the rest of my…
are you lonesome tonight….
I’m not dating. I have gone on a few….dates. But it never felt right. But neither does this loneliness. I don’t want to go through the hassle of meeting, dating, getting to know the other person’s “issues”, introducing this person to family and friends, getting giddy when they come around, having our first argument, finding out that they have an…
Honest to a Fault ….
…. is what I can sometimes be …. I think. Some people do not enjoy my honesty on my personal blog. I’ve learned to hold back on some things ….. things that will have an effect on those I love. Although sometimes holding back puts me in a very, very lonely place.I wish that I could just pour out every single feeling that comes my way when…
Little Faces
Tucking Grayson into bed the other night – “Mom, will you lay down with me for a few minutes?”. Who can resist that? I crawled into bed with the little guy, and promptly fell asleep. I didn’t sleep for long, maybe five minutes, but when I woke up, I was lying on my side looking at him in profile. It took my breath away how much he looked like…
Death Grip
For the last couple of weeks I have been in Australia with my three kids, my daughter’s best friend, and my fiancé. We spent ten magical days touring, laughing, learning Australian phrases, introducing the kids to Michael’s friends and family, and exploring our new family dynamics. We couldn’t have asked for a better first togetherness trip.The…
Lying
Ok I admit it. I’ve been lying. Not really lying buuutttttt not telling the full truth. Because well, people look at me funny when I say, “I’m good!” “I’m doing well.” after they ask “How are you?” I interpret their look to mean “but she’s a widow.”While writing lately, I’ve stayed within the imaginary widow party lines…
Friends
For those that really know me, they know how open I am in sharing that a huge percentage of the reason I am still here today, has been due to my friends.Before Michael was killed, my friendships were on a superficial level. This wasn’t to say that I didn’t have long-time friends, but the essence of who I was wasn’t truly understood.The only person…
the perfect father
Lately, Liv and I have been struggling. We have been fighting arguing about everything from whether she should brush her extremely knot-filled hair before departing for the day to whether older sisters are ‘allowed’ to speak to their younger brothers in a hatred filled voice to whether it is her job to clean up her mess. She claims that my…