after lunch with liz’s friends stopped at the dry cleaners. the lady behind the counter asked for the name. “logelin” she said, “oh! did she have the baby?” fuck. how did she remember liz?i’m the one who did most of the dry-cleaning runs. “yes, she had the baby.” (i hope she leaves it at that). she said, “how is liz doing?”…
matthew logelin
other people’s memories
i decided to tackle a package i got from someone liz was very close to during the young part of her life in the mn. it actually arrived on saturday. i knew it was going to be a tough one so i waited.waited until i thought i could handle it. why i chose tuesday is beyond me. inside: photos from a childhood i didn’t know along with a pendant given…
pocket dialing
happy 10-week birthday. monday was the day that my perfect baby transformed into little miss fuss. she cried almost the entire day.the only thing that stopped the crying was to hold her. she’s got so much of her mom in her. liz’s parents used to tell this story about liz as a kid, sitting on a swing (more than capable of propelling…
no tears
while friend johnny utah was out for a run (obviously he is crazy), maddie and I started walking toward the playground. saw a mom, a dad.each one holding an arm counting to three swinging their daughter, daughter laughing hysterically. how does a single father bring that kind of joy? i could try it with one arm, but that would look terrible to…
who she was
taken at the broback wedding.two weeks(including a trip to greece)after ours.i think i havea new favoritephoto of liz.i talked to the male brobackabout thisand we’re sure she’s waving to someonewho was a complete stranger to herjust hours earlier.everyone washer best friend.i can’t get enough ofthat shot.this is trulywho she was.
our house
as i walked up the hill today, i stared at our house… liz fucking loved this place. fell in love with it the second she saw it.it’s hard to look at, knowing that she can’t enjoy it with us. we got to our stairs and i didn’t want to go inside. for some reason i just couldn’t do it. i pulled madeline from her stroller and took a few…
a new year
31st.last day of the year.i wonder how it’s gonna feel, leaving this one behind?probably not as goodas i hoped.heading out for the dayit was cold.really cold.and for the firsttime in a long time i hadto take offliz’srings so i couldwear some gloves.i put themin my camera bag,imagining what iwould do ifi forgot the bag somewhere. our new…
what she would want
i took maddy tothe same christmas tree lot we wentto last year. she helped mepick out a tree,something i alwayshated doing whenlizwas here.but i had to do it.i know this would have been a reallyexciting timefor us, maddy’s firstchristmas, but it just doesn’t seemreal, doesn’t seemright withouther.this year wedid’t buy the biggesttree…
supposed to be
supposed to be in hawaiiwithlizthis weekend(fucking reminder popped up on my blackberry the other day to make me feel like shit).instead.i sit herethinking about nothingbut the fact thatshedied 2 months ago today.(i fucking hate the 25th now).how can i not think about it?there are too many reminders.everydayi have to look outthe picture windowin…
six weeks ago
today was tuesday.and it sucked.started the day workingon the stuffi didn’t want to work on.rote the check for liz’sfuneral today.and mailed two copies of herdeath certificateout to some folkswho need them.also had toget something from her closet.and for the firsttime was faced withherhamper fullof dirty clothesandher wall of shoes.they…
photos
sunday night.2:00am.for the first time,just saw some photos of lizposted to flickr by anyaand i lost my shit.photos of liz(almost all taken by me)have brought melots of comfortover the past few weeks,but these were different.these photos were takenby someone elseduring happy timesthat i wasn’t a part of…her bachelorette party andvarious…
the dvr
there are odd things around the house that trigger memories of liz.on the refrigerator, behind some mismatched magnetsis a recipe with its accompanying ingredient/grocery listanda list of thingsto do around the housebefore a dinner partythrown long-ago, (all in her hand writing).one of theworst triggers isthe goddamned dvr.a source of…