Over the past month or so I have introduced Michael as my husband in a variety of circles. The responses to the word “husband” have been fascinating to me. When we are out with a group of friends or new acquaintances, the response is enthusiastic and congratulatory. These folks are just happy to see love in action. When in the company of people…
Widowed
Wise Ass Widow
My Halloween Costume Guess what I am. Art was in my head all day saying, “Babe, don’t say anything. Let them figure it out.” But that is not me. So here’s a hint. I am a certain kind of spider! I am a certain kind of widow!…
Guide
I’ve always taken my own path. I like the fresh, uncharted dirt beneath my feet, the barren terrain of land not crossed by others. Yes, as Michael would say, I lived in the clouds, a world of my own, but he never tried to change that, and in all honesty, I think it’s one of the things he loved so much about me. It’s the Christopher Columbus in me,…
thank you….mostly
I met a recently widowed woman in the doctor’s office the other day. We talked sadly yet conspiratorially. I nodded as she mentioned having trouble trusting herself in public as she was concerned she would either throw up her hands and scream at all the ridiculous and vacuous frivolity that seems to go on in the world unnoticed by ‘normal’ folk or…
gone.
it’s gone. but how could it be? i was just there a month ago… it had been there since before my memories of this city were actual experiences. close to 9 years.we used to go there when we lived in the neighborhood. almost every saturday or sunday, we’d sit under the awning, on the sidewalk listening to the cars drive by, watching the hipsters…
I Am Afraid ….
…. because I am starting to realize that not everyone on this path …. “gets it”. Yes, that’s a broad term, but I’ve used it and seen it used hundreds of times amongst widowed people. Since Jim died I have discovered that when widowed people are together (or writing to one another) many words don’t have to spoken. Most emotions and…
Halloween
Halloween…I think as an adult you move past this particular celebration…until you have kids! Since Grayson was old enough to hold his trick or treat bag, Halloween has been one of the more fun holidays of the year. Grayson’s costumes have become gradually more frightening as the years have passed. We’ve moved from pumpkin (4 months) to Wizard…
This is my history
I have been feeling kind of lost lately. I’m a bit unsure about a lot of things. For one, I have been renting a house for the past few months while I sell off my house in San Francisco, which has provided the kids and I a temporary home while we get settled into San Diego. As of today, I no longer own a house. Yes, my house sold, which is good, but…
Fear Not
Pallas is on the phone with my mom. “Well we talk about things like regret. Like if I had to do it over, I would be nicer to my dad.” she explains what they discuss in her kids support group. “Mom” says Langston who is in my doorway. It’s 10:47. I was asleep. “I have a confession. Well it’s not a confession, its….” I pause, while…
2 Years Later
I just returned from England and decided to sift through posts I wrote on my first “once-in-a-lifetime” trip after Michael was killed. This poem sums it all up…My life here without him…my presence on this earth…my impact from that which he embedded in my being. The sentiments and feelings are still the same…as well as the love:9.11.08 Wow!!…
brand name
Doctor Obsequious Tattle-tale Cashier Humanitarian Uncle Artist Labels are words that used to describe ourselves and others – a way to quickly and efficiently identify traits and tendencies.When I think about the labels used to describe or identify me, the one that gives me most to think about is ‘widow’. Initially, I despised this branding. I…
a trip.
we needed toget away.just the three of us.so we did.off to honolulu.with no plansother than toensure thatmadeline had the timeof her life.(that’s my only real goal in life).she did.she played on the beach and in the ocean and at the zoo and even took in a couple of sunsets. none of this iseasy, but a fewmoments alone togethergo a longway in helping…