…… but then, I’m sure you feel the same way. And we’re all ok with that. It’s probably safe to say that none of us would ever have met one another, had we not experienced the loss of half of our heart. Had Jim not died, I’d most likely still be writing funny stories about our family …… not stories about learning how to survive what happened…
Widowed
Father’s Day
Last Sunday was Father’s Day. A day that I try to put on a happy, life-can-still-be-good smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. A day that I try to acknowledge with the children in a way that is not morbid. A day that always makes me feel sad. Not long after I woke, I heard sobs coming from my son’s room. This is the child who was 5 when his…
New Brain
I love memoirs. I read a memoir a week, I’d estimate. The last one I read was not one of my favorites in regard to writing style, but it was about a woman who’d had an aneurysm and her subsequent healing. In the book, she lists the mental symptoms she and other aneurysm patients often struggle with. As I read the list, I realized with a shock…
Crap….I’m sick of Death
I’m sick of death. I’m sick of the 27th of every month. On July 27th, I passed the three year anniversary of my husband’s death. That same day a friend I have known since Jr. High passed away. August 27th (The 37th month of my husband’s death) my childhood best friend became widowed.. without warning.. at the age of 30. This…
Phil Day
Today is the eighth anniversary of my Phil’s death. Taryn has graciously shared her blog day with me, so that I can post the annual letter I write to Phil on this day. Thank you, my friend.Dear Honey, Eight years have come and gone since you last laughed out loud at a joke that only you thought was funny. Eight years have passed since I last held…
Corn Nuts
I used to love Corn Nuts. My husband Don hated Corn Nuts and used to make fun of me all the time for eating them.”What is the attraction to these things?” he would say. “Its like eating plywood.” “Yes, but it’s cheese-flavored plywood!”, I would retort as I crunched close to his face to purposely annoy him. “Jesus, could they be any louder? I…
Untouchable
The other day, my 2 1/2 year old found one of Jeremy’s mementos – an autographed baseball still in the box. I had it in one of the boys top drawers to keep so that they might have it one day when they get older. Naturally, he wanted to play with it. He took it out of the cardboard box, unwrapped the tissue paper around it, and started throwing…
My “After” ……
….. Part 2. I arrived in NYC today ……. for the first time since taking my youngest child to college. This was the day I’ve been waiting for …… for about a year now. It didn’t totally look like I saw it happening in my head a year ago. But that’s because I have 2 of my daughters living here with me. I did NOT see that happening. At…
Download
One thing I really miss about Greg is that, when I had a rough day, he would let me download to him and he would make things OK. …and yesterday, I really needed to blurt out what an incredibly crappy day I had* and have someone tell me that it was done and that I was OK and that tomorrow was a new day.But I didn’t have anyone I could blather…
Phoenix
Last Wednesday I had a session with an amazing healer right when I thought I couldn’t go another step in this life without something major happening to lighten the pain I was experiencing in my heart and soul.I had hit a wall and wanted to be done feeling heartbroken and sorrowful, uncomfortable in my own skin and completely terrified by the…
Many
“Somehow she knew that you didn’t get many moments like this in your life: moments when you knew, without any doubt, that you were alive, when you felt the air in your lungs and the wet grass beneath your feet and the cotton on your skin; moments when you were completely in the present, when neither the past nor the future mattered. She tried…
A Final House Goodbye
It’s been a long time since I cried for three straight hours. I forgot how many rolls of toilet paper I can go through per hour. (Yes, I use toilet paper instead of Kleenex. TP is more efficient, less messy and much cheaper. When you are clocking nose blows at between 2 to 3 RPH – rolls per hour – cost matters.) I also forgot how…