No, I’m not watching The Academy Awards. Not that it doesn’t interest me. I used to be one of those people who saw every single film nominated, even the foreign and sometimes documentary. I love film, and I love story telling, but that love, those interests, are part of those things that have dropped by the wayside. Friends and family are still…
Widowed
Tired
I’m tired of being a widow. I’m tired of bringing the car to the mechanic when the red maintenance light visually screams at me. I’m tired of running out of food and being responsible for getting more. I’m tired of waking up by myself.I’m tired of being solely responsible for: Bringing in all the income Paying all the bills Making sure…
Happy*
My personal growth, as well as dedication to the American Widow Project, has brought me more healing than I could have ever fathomed. I still attend each event hoping to get as much out of it as a widow who RSVPed, and continuously I am not disappointed. This evening though, I received a call that meant so very much to me.I rarely hear or ask what…
I Signed Up for This?
That’s what my son likes to remind me, usually when he’s gripping a leg and pulling, while his sister is gripping an arm and pulling, and the dog is looking like he’d like to grip something…if only he had thumbs. “…just remember Papa, you signed up for this…” Funny, I don’t remember the widower, single parent, caregiver, dog…
moments like this.
it’s not what any of us (including brooke) would have wished for, but moments like this: give me hope. …
Strength ….
…. or at least the “appearance” of it, is very illusionary, is it not? I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, or read, someone say, “You’re so strong, Janine. I just don’t know how you do it.” ….. or some variance thereof. I bet you wish you had those dollars, too (not for me hearing it, of course, but for every time YOU heard it).My…
Judging Grief
I’ve frequently thought over the past years that I was doing this whole grief thing wrong. Clearly I wasn’t sad enough, skinny enough, or laying in bed enough. I was also not happy enough, not moving forward quickly enough, and not dating anyone yet. Once I wasn’t so wrapped up in the actual grieving that I couldn’t see anything but my own shoes,…
Get the BLEEP Away from Me!!
Take your hands off of me! I said get away from me! Only you don’t understand it cause the words that are coming from my mouth are… “Damn it, L! How many times do I need to tell you to pick up, wipe off, clean up your _____ (insert typical mother rant hear.) I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE!” I yell.Really wanting to throttle him, to give my hands…
Announcement
***I’d like to take a moment out of my life to make this announcement*** I like being me. I like being the wife and widow of a hero. I like the knowledge that I have the best of family, friends and pets.I like the oddities of my being that I’m still being introduced to. I like being introduced to them. I like sunshine through my blinds when I…
Pretty Panty Problems
There’s an old adage that says that you should make sure that you are always wearing nice underpants in case you end up at the hospital and some health care worker witnesses the terrible state of your undergarments. I remember this and other silly issues causing me concern at one point.I could worry about this still…if I worked at it. But now,…
shadows & shoes.
a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.
There is a Time ….
…. for mostly …. everything. Even time for things that at other times …. look very negative. Like Selfishness. There is a time for selfishness …. and I had that time. I needed that time. I needed it in order to survive. Literally.Grieving demands selfishness. At no other time in one’s life must a person think ONLY of her/him self,…