Everything is so damn scary for me these days. Just speaking up and saying what I think feels like too much of a risk. It’s as though my confidence died with Dave. I know I’m courageous only because I can see now that I acted many times since Dave died despite nearly crippling fear. But I don’t feel courageous. I feel so scared that I want to curl…
Widowed
Selfish
I’ve been meaning to write this blog.. but I have been processing it. A couple of weeks ago, I went on a date (gasps). During the course of dinner, the topic of how my husband died came up. My date started talking about how selfish suicide is and how I live in the past by “celebrating” my husband’s death every year. I sat…
There’s No Place Like Hope
I was spending my Friday evening perusing a used book store when my eyee were caught by this very catchy title. Being an avid “Wizard of Oz” fan, the switch of HOME with HOPE struck such a chord with me. Home, for me, has never equated to a physical structure, but rather a place to fully be me.To be immersed by all that I love. To let me hair…
Grief is….
Grief Is … Grief is that feeling where nothing is flat. There are mountains and hills and mud, and giant pieces of glass. There is fire and lightning and floods, and you are walking in it, without any shoes on. In the dark. Grief is scolding hot and chilled to the bone. It gets in your nails and leaves you unwhole.Grief is being jealous of…
A New Perspective
The moment I walked out of my front door in Michigan for the last time, tears fell without warning and without permission. It was as if my body knew what my mind wouldn’t allow me to think about or dwell on – that I was leaving behind a huge history and pieces of my heart that would never be found in any other place (cue Monica from Friends…
A Really Bad Night ……
…… and day. I wrote this post for my blog yesterday. I don’t have the energy to write anything else at the moment. So you get to experience what I experienced. Buckle your seat belts. I’m staying in NY an extra day, though I’d much rather be on my way to Texas than sitting here, feeling what I’m feeling.Last night, at some time after midnight,…
Changes
What follows is my own opinion. I know it is not everyone’s and I am truly glad to live in a country where I am free to vote for whomever I wish. I am grateful to have a vote when so many women are denied this right. …and I also appreciate the freedom to express my opinions here. Well, we’ve had a bit of a change over here in the past…
Letter
I was looking through my miscellaneous writing pieces and found this letter I wrote myself during my writing workshop circle many months ago. The prompt we’d be given was to imagine you’re yourself from the future writing to the present you. I think I may have posted this before, but once is not enough for this one. I wish my internal voice always…
Facing my Fear
I suffer from fear. A lot of it I think is normal for what I’ve been through. Fear of being alone for the rest of my days. Fear of having my heart broken. Fear of falling in love and having him die. Fear that something terrible will happen to someone I love and I’ll have to start this grief process all over again. Fear that I am getting…
Invincible
You know that feeling…. You can do it all. Conquer it all. Get through it all. You enter any situation or place almost as if you own the joint, simply because they’re by your side. All is right. All that isn’t, will soon be. You’re safe. All is sound. You have the unquestionable and unshakeable knowledge that you are deeply loved. For all…
Almost time to say goodbye
Maggie died in May 2009. I’ve been writing on Widow’s Voice since April 2011. I don’t write as often as the other bloggers because I guess I’m the quiet one. Yet I hope that my infrequency has been inversely reflected in the intensity of my posts; I’ve been open and honest and shared all that I’ve been working through. My path…
An unexpected surprise
We are settling into our new home here in West Virginia. It’s a strange experience to live your entire life in one region and then move somewhere completely different in your thirties….but, I feel called here, and our family is loving it so far. And I’ve got lots to keep me busy!One day last week, I decided to take a drive around and see the area…