My husband’s sudden and unexpected death happened on a Wednesday. July 13, 2011. We had gone to sleep the night before, and I still don’t recall saying goodnight. Or saying anything. We simply fell asleep, in the exhaustion of having two jobs and being busy and life. A few hours later, he had left for his volenteer job at the local Petsmart,…
Widowed Suddenly
(not so) Ordinary Life
And so the countdown begins… In 56 hours or less (not that I’m counting or anything), I will be holding a new little life in my arms. One small person I helped create. One tiny little reminder of what life is really all about. My sweet little baby boy has no idea what his life represents already in this world. In a place that can be so cold,…
Running Away ……
…… or moving forward? I could use the trite saying, “You be the judge”, but I don’t really care to hear any judgements. Go figure. I’m back in NY. The place where, at this point in my life, I love to be. The place where, at this point in my life, I feel happy. The place where, at this point in my life, I feel at home.This will be the first…
Missing out
Last week one of the parents of a child I teach had a bit of a tantrum after school one day*. It seems her daughter missed out on having an iceblock with the rest of the class because she had been away the previous day. In her seething mother-rage, she shouted at me “It’s not FAIR that Cathy misses out on an iceblock. The rest of the class had…
Stigma
This week I had an eye opening conversation. I was talking with a co-worker and Seth’s death came up. She asked me how I am doing with it all and I could only come up with “It sucks. It hurts really bad. It really really sucks.” She then said “Melinda, I just don’t get it. You are such an amazing person. Seth’s suicide makes no…
Again
I wish I could spend a the monring writing someting truly poetic, but I’ve been swamped holding our first gala for the military widows the AWP serves and I feel that only one excerpt fully embodies what the night, these amazing women, and what we all are capable of doing when we see the light.”to love life, to love it evenwhen you have no stomach…
Eleven
Since it has been a crazy, busy week for me, and since I have been missing my husband in a way that is so intense lately I almost cannot handle it, I thought I would go back through my personal blog and find one of the few “visit” type dreams I have had about Don since he died, and share it with you here. I haven’t had a dream like this one in…
Ready. For now.
After hitting the 3 year mark on Saturday, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Grief never really leaves, but I think the experience alone in a new place, along with the fear that I might have the baby before I got to properly grieve and get through the week left me scared and hurting in new and different ways. But, like…
I’ve Met The Most Amazing People ……
This is a post I wrote on my blog ten months after Jim died. I thought that I’d share it with you today. I don’t go back and read most of my posts. I don’t like re-visiting that “cave”. Especially those days where that cold, inky blackness totally engulfed me, filled every pore of my body and threatened to completely suffocate me. But once…
Too Busy
I have report cards due in the next few weeks. Work is hectic as we finish up assessing where the kids are at. Home is stressful as my own kids finish off assessments that their teacher need to assess (but DON’T get me started on teachers who allow assessments to be done at home in primary school and just how many parent’s are earning their…
Power
In my experience front loading washing machines are pieces of shit. The one I inherited from the previous homeowners was leaking water from the door the other day (obviously). When are these things not being problems? Maybe it was my recent return to single-land or maybe it was my stubborn streak, but I decided I would NOT hire someone (most…
Saying Goodbye.. Again
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my dog being diagnosed with cancer (I wrote about it here) Tuesday, the day after my birthday I had to kill put my best friend to sleep. I am in shock. I am devastated. Three weeks after his diagnoses he went from being fine to not eating and his eyes rolling back in his head. Nine years and one day after my…