. . . someone asked. a puzzle an enigma one long and unpredictable complication . . . a testament to love. grief the remnant from the flood proof that love existed love’s receipt. The poet, John O’Donohue says it best: For Grief When you lose someone you love, […]
Widowed Parenting
As the Seasons Change
The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It didn’t feel complete because the most important person to […]
Playing Catch and Grief Release
Every parent has their own strengths and weaknesses they bring to the co-parenting table. I can help whip up a book report, swim the fly, and memorize lines for the school play. Those are my core strengths. Tony was the master of math, even common core and fractions, and all hand eye coordination sports. Most […]
When Strangers Become Family
Early last week a widow friend texted our widow group chat that was started after Camp Widow San Diego. She had shared with us that she needed to go to the hospital for her daughter. I was driving as I read this text and immediately my heart dropped for her. It took me right back […]
Halloween Decorations
The seasons are changing here in the Midwest and everywhere you look is a plethora of pumpkin spice and Halloween. Houses are decorated with giant spiders, pumpkins, ghosts, skeletons, and tombstones. In my before, I never gave any of this a second thought. Now I find it a little odd people are out there setting […]
Family Photos Minus One
Last week the kids and I went to Fort Walton Beach for a week of fun and sun. This vacation was one I planned with two other families that we are friends with. In total, we had 5 adults and 10 children. Each family rented their own condo at the complex and we managed to […]
Where is Daddy?
Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, mama? […]
I Miss Him Out Loud
An old friend of ours called me this week. He calls on occasion to check in on the kids and me. Every time he calls, he asks how the house is and if I need help with anything. I have yet to accept his help or call him when something breaks. But it is nice […]
Living with Triggers
After going through such a traumatic loss having anxiety and being scared or jumpy all seemed to be part of the package. A year and a half in those feelings are still there. They might not be as intense as they were a couple of months after Erik’s passing, but they continue to just lie […]
The Potty Milestone
It’s one in a few when I get those proud parenting moments as a solo parent. I always feel as if I’m not doing enough or I’m not giving enough or I’m just not enough for them. How does one person fill the spot of two? The first week of September was potty training time […]
August Slipped Away
August has always been such a busy month in our lives. Our entire family’s birthdays. Summer plans, parties, trips…memories. This past month, mostly these past two weeks have been more of a rollercoaster than I remember last year being. This was the first August since Erik’s passing that I was less numb and more aware […]
Overwhelmed
Some days are just overwhelming. Wednesday night we discovered a water stain forming on the living room ceiling. I inspected the boy’s bathroom upstairs and there were no signs of water. Next, I sent a picture to my parents since they had watched my kids Tuesday night while I went to The Chicks concert. A […]