It’s official, as a solo parent free time in December doesn’t exist. Thank goodness I put my humbug down last week because time is flying now. After I vented in my blog post last Monday about not getting the tree out yet. I pushed myself to drag the tree up from the basement. I enlisted […]
Widowed Parenting
Yes, You Can
Lately, with the holiday season coming into full swing I’ve been feeling more and more overwhelmed. Another holiday season without Erik. Another holiday season where I’m the solo parent trying to create this magical joyful season for my kids when I feel very much the opposite. I’ve thought long and hard about scaling back Christmas. […]
Oh Christmas Tree
I know it is only December 4th, but I am struggling to catch the holiday spirit this year. I seem to be doing everything holiday related halfway. Most of the holiday décor is on display, but not the tree. A space has been cleared and the tree skirt has been sitting on the floor for […]
Sailing the Seas
Last year after we celebrated the twins’ birthday for the first year without Erik, I realized sitting in the quiet aftermath of the party that I did not want to do this anymore moving forward. I didn’t want to throw birthday parties the way we used to, without my husband, mostly as the twins share […]
Entering My Cat Lady Era
Welp. I am no longer a cat lady without any cats. A week and a half ago I caved and said yes to adopting a cat. The cat belonged to my friend’s mom who passed away a little over a month ago. My friend reached out after his mom took a turn for the worst. […]
Colder Weather
With my second Thanksgiving without Erik right around the corner, I find myself getting multiple flashbacks of all our past Thanksgivings. Thanksgiving was the first time I introduced Erik to my family a decade ago. The thought of another year with an empty seat with his name on it sets in more this second time […]
Where is Daddy?
Repost! Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, […]
Fleeting Sense of Safety
Ever since Erik’s passing my sense of home and safety has been fleeting. Every second of every day my mind is constantly filled with never-ending thoughts of things that need to get done, questions about the future, re-plays of the past, worry about the what-ifs, and everything in between. One of my biggest thoughts is […]
Another Halloween Without You
Today is Halloween. Yet another holiday that Erik is no longer here for. The days leading up to any holiday always puts me in a strange mood. The anxiety levels become higher than they normally are. The feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, hope, and everything in between all seem to mix together. Something I still […]
What is Grief . . .
. . . someone asked. a puzzle an enigma one long and unpredictable complication . . . a testament to love. grief the remnant from the flood proof that love existed love’s receipt. The poet, John O’Donohue says it best: For Grief When you lose someone you love, […]
As the Seasons Change
The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It didn’t feel complete because the most important person to […]
Playing Catch and Grief Release
Every parent has their own strengths and weaknesses they bring to the co-parenting table. I can help whip up a book report, swim the fly, and memorize lines for the school play. Those are my core strengths. Tony was the master of math, even common core and fractions, and all hand eye coordination sports. Most […]