I miss inside jokes. And little things that only Boris would “get”. I was watching a Netflix movie several months ago, Desperados, and one of the main characters (a widower) says something about missing the “dinner party glance” with his late wife. That connection where you just give each other a “look” because you both […]
Widowed Memories
Al and Lee
My friend Al, pictured above, and I met as seniors in high school. Al was a charter member of our imaginary rock group the Frazier Thomas Band. Indeed, he was the imaginary producer of our first imaginary record album. Back in high school, my smart-ass first impression of Al had been, here is a guy […]
Traveling in the Land of Grief
One hundred and fifty two days ago my beloved husband transitioned into death. In that time I have learned that the reality of death and grief is something that cannot be understood unless you are in it. I thought I knew something of it, having experienced other loved ones passing. I was wrong. The photo […]
9/11 Memories, Appreciation and Honouring
Written on 11 September 2021 Main image by Jesper Blijdestein on Unsplash 9/11. Nine-Eleven trips off the tongue. It means September 11th 2001. Even to Brits, who would otherwise say 11th of September (and write 11/9), there’s no misunderstanding what 9/11 means. Anyone over a certain again remembers what they were doing on 11th September […]
Past to the Present – A Look Back in Widowed Time
Clayton has been gone for over three years now. A lot has changed. On a day to day, I don’t realize just how far I have traveled. This week has had a lot of old memories stir but not for the worse, for the better. The week brought about events and memories that could have […]
Love Always Wins
The Power of Memory Do you ever wonder how certain memories come back to teach us about ourselves? The lesson for me in this week’s post is that dying is damn hard. Sometimes, in the midst of it, we don’t feel the full impact. Then your dog dies and it all comes rushing in. Death […]
ABBA Revival
4 September 2021 Image by Andrew Ebrahim on Unsplash When I landed back at Geneva airport this week, after a few days of business travel in Sweden (my first business travel in over 18 months), I headed over to the luggage collection belts. While waiting for my luggage to come through, I skimmed the BBC […]
The Great Shattering and the Holder of the Missing Piece
That moment is unlike any other. Whether you are expecting the grief or it surprises you, there is no way to describe the very second you learn you have a new future. Tunnel vision sets in, you can’t catch your breath. All you hear is the loudest sound you’ve ever heard and it is coming […]
Facing Future Fears: An Open Letter to Myself
Dear Bryan, I think it’s time for us to talk a bit about the fears found since Clayton passed. These thoughts and widowed worries have actually compounded and worsened seasons of our grief. They have been cyclical and fed into one another. Try as I might to break these cycles sooner, I couldn’t and I’m […]
Autumn Leaves
This week’s post will have to be short. I prepare to leave for Deer Tick Manor on Thursday night. On Friday I will help direct the setup for Saturday’s long overdue celebration of Lee’s life. I recently have spent more time attending to professional matters than at any time this Summer. And before I depart, […]
131 Days
To My Dearest Dan, It has been one hundred thirty-one days since you died and it feels so much longer. It feels as if you are watching me from afar and also, somehow, participating daily in my life with your energy. When I call on you I especially feel you near, although you show up […]
Photographs and Memories
Pieces of You Photographs and memories All the love you gave to me Somehow it just can’t be true That’s all I’ve left of you In the midst of meal prep, sorting through items while seeking the right tool in a kitchen drawer, I saw a blackened, overused kitchen fork. It immediately took me to […]