I was spending my Friday evening perusing a used book store when my eyee were caught by this very catchy title. Being an avid “Wizard of Oz” fan, the switch of HOME with HOPE struck such a chord with me. Home, for me, has never equated to a physical structure, but rather a place to fully be me.To be immersed by all that I love. To let me hair…
Widowed and Healing
A New Perspective
The moment I walked out of my front door in Michigan for the last time, tears fell without warning and without permission. It was as if my body knew what my mind wouldn’t allow me to think about or dwell on – that I was leaving behind a huge history and pieces of my heart that would never be found in any other place (cue Monica from Friends…
Facing my Fear
I suffer from fear. A lot of it I think is normal for what I’ve been through. Fear of being alone for the rest of my days. Fear of having my heart broken. Fear of falling in love and having him die. Fear that something terrible will happen to someone I love and I’ll have to start this grief process all over again. Fear that I am getting…
Invincible
You know that feeling…. You can do it all. Conquer it all. Get through it all. You enter any situation or place almost as if you own the joint, simply because they’re by your side. All is right. All that isn’t, will soon be. You’re safe. All is sound. You have the unquestionable and unshakeable knowledge that you are deeply loved. For all…
Almost time to say goodbye
Maggie died in May 2009. I’ve been writing on Widow’s Voice since April 2011. I don’t write as often as the other bloggers because I guess I’m the quiet one. Yet I hope that my infrequency has been inversely reflected in the intensity of my posts; I’ve been open and honest and shared all that I’ve been working through. My path…
Phil Day
Today is the eighth anniversary of my Phil’s death. Taryn has graciously shared her blog day with me, so that I can post the annual letter I write to Phil on this day. Thank you, my friend.Dear Honey, Eight years have come and gone since you last laughed out loud at a joke that only you thought was funny. Eight years have passed since I last held…
My “After” ……
….. Part 2. I arrived in NYC today ……. for the first time since taking my youngest child to college. This was the day I’ve been waiting for …… for about a year now. It didn’t totally look like I saw it happening in my head a year ago. But that’s because I have 2 of my daughters living here with me. I did NOT see that happening. At…
Phoenix
Last Wednesday I had a session with an amazing healer right when I thought I couldn’t go another step in this life without something major happening to lighten the pain I was experiencing in my heart and soul.I had hit a wall and wanted to be done feeling heartbroken and sorrowful, uncomfortable in my own skin and completely terrified by the…
Stay, Jump or Live
Last week I wrote about how much my husband is missing out on (I wrote about it here). The thoughts of all the things he is missing out on has been weighing heavily on my mind. I started thinking about how I am missing out on life because of grief, depression, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, financially.. the list goes on. I decided to…
A Final House Goodbye
It’s been a long time since I cried for three straight hours. I forgot how many rolls of toilet paper I can go through per hour. (Yes, I use toilet paper instead of Kleenex. TP is more efficient, less messy and much cheaper. When you are clocking nose blows at between 2 to 3 RPH – rolls per hour – cost matters.) I also forgot how…
26 Weeks
This Saturday, I will be 26 weeks along. The last time I was 26 weeks pregnant (to the day), my husband dropped dead.Oddly enough, for all the anxiety I had about becoming pregnant, it’s been relatively normal and hasn’t caused me too much grief. Until I hit the half way mark. Ever since, my brain audibly tells me with each passing Saturday, “only…
Distraction
A very wise woman (also a widow) once me that when things get really-rock-bottom-bad; find a distraction. A new distraction that doesn’t carry the weight of memories that include him. I do a range of things at 2am when the darkness creeps in. I read (always a solitary activity for me), or play endless games of solitaire and then pin things on…