…… Griever. No kidding. It seems that I can reach into someone’s deep, dark and cold grief and speak to them. I can tell them what I see in that blackness, which is really telling them what I see. Or more precisely, what I saw. I know that I’m not the only one who can do this. I’ve seen, and read, many of you doing it for others, too.
Widowed and Healing
Dear Dave
Dear Dave, I just finished looking through our pictures again. Sometimes, fearing I’ve imagined my former life, I need proof that it all really happened. Italy, our house rehab, Hawaii, Yellowstone, the hundreds of pics you took of your beloved students scrolled before my eyes. I sobbed and sobbed, scaring the cat with the sounds of my heart…
Fear Didn’t Win
Yesterday we hosted the fourth annual Share the Road Ride. This is the only Soaring Spirits event that is dedicated to my Phil in any obvious way. Banners, flyers, t-shirts all bear his name. Friends from all areas of our shared lives come together, volunteers donate their time to support our Share the Road message, and Phil’s love for a good, long…
5
***Written in 2010, but with a 2013 photo. With this year being my 5th Anniversary, I thought it a perfect time to re-post. :)*** This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass,…
Progress
“The way of progress is neither swift nor easy.” -Marie Curie …… is not a word I would’ve used to describe any part of my “After” in the first few years. Hell, I was trying too hard to just keep breathing, to just stay alive when I’d really rather not. Progress? Who gave a damn about progress …… I was using most of my…
Looking After Me
There’s someone I’ve been neglecting for the past 3.5 years. She is strong, but has infrequent, spectacular meltdowns due to the ….(there is no word to describe this but widows know the feeling) …. of it all. She loves hard, but falls hard. She picks herself back up again, dusts herself off and keeps going. She takes every sling and…
They Were There
“Why don’t you reread your Widow’s Voice posts from the beginning and see what kind of progress you’ve made.” My smart smart dude’s advice the other day when I talked to him about the possibility of identifying so much with widowhood that it was keeping me stuck in some ways. So I tried it. I didn’t expect to discover what I did. The overall…
There’s No Place Like Home ……
…… even if it’s a brand new home. And sometimes …… especially if it’s a brand new home. (Not new as in newly built, but new as in new to you.) As most of you know, I’ve been splitting my time between Houston and New York City. And I’ve loved being in NY. I’ve always loved being in NY, but now I love it for additional reasons. And the…
Hakomi
Every time I dissolve into tears and those tears, instead of cleansing, dissolve into more tears and a spiral down into depression and anxiety, I realize I’m worrying about the same things. I’m stuck. It’s the SSDD syndrome: Same Shit, Different Day. I KNOW worrying about the future is pointless. I KNOW accepting myself is crucial. I KNOW I’ll…
Insomnia
Ugh. Insomnia. We have been enemies friends for six very long years. I have tried sleeping pills. I have tried everything natural. I’ve tried having a normal routine. I’ve tried to not let myself lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for longer than 30 minutes before I get up and read, take a hot shower, attempt something to help me sleep. …
Solution
I’ve recently been on the search for a new home. It’s not a long distance from my current casa, but in an area I love and come alive in. During many of the showings of the houses I’ve found enticing, I’ve been bombarded with one question over and over from my brokers (aka parents). As we entered each place and I’d point out something I loved, they…
A picture is worth…
. …1000 words. Or, so they say. Whoever ‘they’ is. But, I think a picture is worth so much more than that. A picture doesn’t just convey an endless amount of words, but it can also capture an emotion that no words can describe. It can preserve a memory that might otherwise have been forgotten. It can make you laugh or cry just at the very sight…