Today we threw out my Keurig coffee maker. It stopped working and functioning correctly, so I drove it to the town dump this morning, along with this weeks other trash items; never to be seen again. My parents bought me that Keurig somewhere around 2013 or 2014. I cannot recall the exact year, because it […]
Blog
Keeping “Up” in UpState Country
Last week I wrote about “Settling In” as I continue to adapt to my new life in a log home in rural Central Florida. It’s been a “challenging” time. Over the course of less than 4 months, I purchased a new home intended for a rental property, decided I’d like to stay in it for […]
One Thousand Five Hundred Twenty-Seven
It’s a recurring theme for me: something occurs that roils my emotional waters, instantly flooding me with dark memories of grief-filled days when the icy reality of Lee’s death occupied my every waking moment. Such emotional waves are not connected to a specific date, place, or occasion, but rather surface unexpectedly, and can be triggered […]
Things They’ve Missed
Or Have They? There are plenty of things about widowhood that are “stage” reliant. How many days, weeks, or months its been since our person died. How many years since they left us. But the category of “things they missed” seems to come round no matter the specifics of time. It’s a category that never […]
Where is Daddy?
Repost! Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, […]
When They Call You Mrs
I don’t find myself in many situations where there is an opportunity for me to be addressed formerly. 99.9% of the time I answer to Emily and Mom. Thankfully, my boys haven’t started calling me Bruh…yet. Last week I was volunteering at the elementary school for the bookfair. The kids get to shop or browse […]
Missing Toronto and Living Life
There was a time when I didn’t just GO to each Camp Widow event that happened every year, I NEEDED to go to every single Camp Widow event that happened each year. Like, it was a necessity for my mental health , for my sanity, for my well-being, and for my being able to have […]
Settling In
It was a busy week and last night I realized that I had no draft for today’s Post, a first in my year plus of Saturdays when I’d just push the Publish button. So today follows the theme of new starts, habits and outlooks in true form. I will randomly write on. On Thursday, I […]
Balance
There are times when being someone who is very empathic is tough. Over the years, I’ve learned ways to kind of shield myself and my energy if need be, but when there is so much awful in the world happening at one time, it’s difficult. I felt this way during the start of the pandemic […]
Green Pastures
It had rained non-stop from Illinois and Indiana through Ohio and Kentucky, into parts of Tennessee, crisscrossing the Great Smokey Mountains. A challenging stretch of road for two flatlanders but we managed a steady clip. We were in North Carolina before we caught the first glimpse of blue sky and sunshine. Suddenly, on one side […]
A Wandering Poem Came to Me
To Teach Me of Myself The Universe is immense; yet, we are able to find ourselves if we pay attention. The Universe is a map for beginnings and endings; for what-if’s and what-about’s; for mystery. The Universe is filled with discarded satellites, remnants of rockets, memories of meteorites, and wandering poems to […]
Fleeting Sense of Safety
Ever since Erik’s passing my sense of home and safety has been fleeting. Every second of every day my mind is constantly filled with never-ending thoughts of things that need to get done, questions about the future, re-plays of the past, worry about the what-ifs, and everything in between. One of my biggest thoughts is […]