āļø It has been 842 days, 13 hours, and 41 minutes. Roughly 2 years, 3 months, and 22 days. But the trauma, the slow agonizing torture, started for me more than five years ago with his terminal brain cancer diagnosis. It blindsided us. If your person was ill for a while, you know what I […]
Blog
Start with YES
Iām now at Day 10 of this respiratory thing going around, so Iāve been isolating ā¦ which should have made it easier for me to accomplish all of the things on my list ā¦ but my energy level is at the negative level and I canāt manage more than an hour before I need to […]
Anniversary Missives
St. Patrickās Day was/is Tony and my wedding anniversary. This year, we should have been celebrating our 19th. Instead, we are always stuck at 14. Walking through the wedding anniversary grief always hits a little different. It is a striking reminder of our widowhood coupled with their death. The other big days, like their birthday […]
The Bittersweetness of Home Renovations
My siblings and I are renovating my Momās family home in the Philippines. Our Aunt passed away last year, and left her estate to the three of us (she and my Mom were the only siblings, and my Aunt had no children). We are in the long process of renovating the home. I was only […]
Springing Forward
Yesterday welcomed the first official day of spring and for many it didnāt come soon enough. This winter has been a beast and judging from last weekās storm in Michigan where snow seemed to swallow houses and cars whole, winter isnāt lying down quite yet. Being from the Northeast originally I always understood that although […]
Donāt Wait
Spring is kicking into high gear here in Southern Oregon at what seems like an earlier rate than usual. The other day it got into the low 80s. Sun is shining, bulbs are coming up everywhere, I managed to get all my Easter decor out for once (it’s been years since I did that), and […]
A Short Post Regarding a Long Road
All good things come to an end.Ā Today, I depart Tucson for home. It is early morning and still dark. Even as Lola the pup snoozes peacefully, I will need the next several hours to prepare for our immediate departure, then more hours on the road in the heat of the day to reach Albuquerque. […]
Iāve Gone Dark.
This week I am in it. š In a funk. The kind you canāt pinpoint to one single thing, just a mix of little and big things that make life feel so heavy and unfair all over again. It feels like a grief hangover. The kind that wants to keep you in bed for days […]
Tears in Heaven
Well, I finally sold the travel trailer. It needed to go ā¦ because I wonāt be taking it out on the road AND because I need to get it out of the way so Jimās son can retrieve the cargo trailer that was behind it and pick up the Harley. Mission accomplished. Check received. And […]
We Went to Church
A few weeks ago, I took the boys to Church. And by Church, I mean Eric Church. This was Tonyās favorite singer and every song he released; Tony seemed to identify with more than the last. I donāt think there was a song he didnāt like. Right after Tony passed, tickets for one of his […]
“When Are You Going To Start Living Again?”
My widow group WhatāsApp chat was a flurry this weekend over one very brief – but very impactful – interaction one of us (not me) had at a party. She was chatting with someone she had not seen since before her partner had passed. Rather quickly, the āfriendā said, āWhen are you going to start […]
Livin’ On a Prayer
I spent a good portion of this past week at my now unoccupied home in Georgia. It’s up for sale and I continue to clean out the garages. The “downside” of a third garage is that there is more opportunity to store and thus hang on to items. It’s a museum of memories, a curated […]