I loved being married. Knowing that I shared a commitment with my husband to face life together, come what may, was a daily comfort to me. I didn’t miss dating; I didn’t long for freedom; I didn’t feel limited; I didn’t fear slipping into complacency. Looking back, I even miss the hard work that was required to create a harmonious union. Phil and I…
Blog
50 Days Before His Death
These posts are from February 2009, all within 50 days of his death and my second beginning. February 18, 209 Happy Birthday to Art 58 Days Before His DeathArt’s Birthday Bash February 18, 2009 THANK YOU for making it a great day!!!!!!! Gifts the kids gave Art thought up by themselves! Pallas: A scale, so “Daddy can see how much weight he’s…
My Other Car is a Porsche
You know those bumper stickers that say things like, “My Other Car is a Porsche?” The implication is that the driver isn’t quite satisfied with their real car and that they have a much nicer one parked at home. I can appreciate this sentiment.My “other car” is my other life—the one I was supposed to be living right now complete with a…
Not Feeling It
There are many days, weeks and months that the grief that was born after Jeff’s death has crippled me. Days that no matter what I do, the sadness and loss steal over me and infect every thought and movement with pain. Weeks where I can feel nothing but the ache that has accompanied this journey and months in which the sorrow manages to reek despite…
what happened…
i’ve been hearing that question a lot. so… for those of you who don’t know here goes…5 weeks of bedrest. (2 at home, 3 in the hospital). liz had low amniotic fluid. baby had her cord around her neck. baby’s heart rate dropped (multiple times). liz almost delivered (multiple times). the day finally came (3/24). madeline was born via…
I Can’t Make Up My Mind …. Part 1
…. I really can’t. Not about everything, but by a couple of kind of big things, one of which I have no control over whatsoever: my sons and their similarities with their Dad.Son #1 is so much like Jim that it amuses, stuns and stops me cold sometimes. I find more humor in it than sadness, but there’s still the sadness. He has the same dry sense…
The Value of a Friend (part One Million and One…)
These are the faces of a few of the women who celebrated 40 with me in Vegas… interestingly enough, all of them had read last week’s blog and were still brave enough to go! Thanks guys! I’m not usually as black as last week, and I think I stirred up a few worries with that post. It is what it is, and most of the people in my life get it, or at…
Awkward
When I meet people for the first time I feel like I am keeping a secret from them. Looking at me, they would never guess what I am hiding. I can carry on an intelligent and interesting conversation without revealing the circumstance of which my new acquaintance is unaware. Depending on who they are I may even artfully dodge inquiries that would…
Julie Andrews and Starting From The Beginning
Like Matt, I realize I need to start from the beginning. Art and I were married for 14 years. We have three children. On August 24, 2006 he was diagnosed with Large B Cell Lymphoma, Stage IV, primarily in his lungs. He was an athlete. In March 2007 we were told he was in remission. We lived apprehensively at first, always fighting right before he…
Once In a Lifetime
Michael and I always wanted to see the world with each other. We had it all planned out. After he and I graduated, we would go to Europe and start our travels. From Greece to tropical terrains, we’d see it all (leaving a few places for after retirement) and then head back and start our family.Fast forward to 2007 and our “plans” fell to the…
what to lose when it’s all lost
If I take an inventory of all of Jeff’s things that I have clung to, stored for safe keeping or discarded since he died, I realize that to an outsider, these items would seem like random detritus. Debris. Maybe even junk. I have managed to let go of many of his ‘collections’. The plastic Stanley Cups he collected from some fastfood restaurant. A…
march 24, 2008
Our new Thursday blog author is Matt Logelin. His emotional candor and willingness to share his life, and his grief, with millions of people across the globe have made him a media sensation. With appearances on Oprah, The Rachel Ray Show, People Magazine, and over 50,000 blog followers, Matt’s widowhood story has mobilized the compassion and…