“He’d want you to keep on living.” “He’d want you to be happy.” Oh, how those remarks we’re scalpels to my ears when Michael first died. But, they kept coming, mouth after mouth, stranger after family member.But to live is to do something he can no longer do?!” “But to be happy is to make the world believe our love no longer runs through my…
widow
touch me
I can handle being alone. Being “single” is just fine and I often think that this is how I would prefer to live. Loading the dishwasher in the way I deem to be correct is truly satisfying. Dancing spastically in the kitchen while the kids sleep and not concerning myself with looking coordinated or even sexy is fabulous. But not having any…
My “Mr Right”
I recently heard about another widow I know …widowed after me … she has found someone new. She is quite in love. This makes me sad.Not about her happiness. Just that I am nowhere NEAR being there. I don’t even want to look for someone new, even though I just want to be happily married again Right Now. ….but I want to be happily married to…
Weirdly Emotional ….
(This is a post I wrote 10 months after Jim died. It still applies.) This is one of those pictures that doesn’t need any words about love. It’s there. OK, let me just warn you upfront. This is going to be a weird post. I’m going to try to explain something that I felt yesterday but I don’t really know how to explain it, and I wonder how…
Mattering
She says to me “Kim, you’re important. Other widows want to meet you. They ask if you will be there.” I was talking to Michele, the founder of this blog, Camp Widow, Widow’s Village and Soaring Spirits Foundation. She was trying to convince me to come to widow camp. I wasn’t going. Even though I live just two hours away. I wasn’t…
Potter
One of the things I started after Michael died was our “Date Nights”. It usually consists of a movie and a five course dinner with wine pairings throughout it. It’s amazing. From “Birds” to all three “Lord of the Ring” to “Chocolat” I sit there with an empty set next to me and savor every moment.But, as I’ve embraced life once more, I’ve found time…
return of the numbness
Written four months after Jeff’s death…. I don’t know if it’s normal to have the vague fuzzy feeling like thinking through a pillow re-emerge four months after a death happens. But it has. I feel as if I’m trying to catch glimpses of things as I spin in circles. I can see that things are there but the edges blur and smudge together. I’m late…
My name is Amanda and this is my story…
I met my soul-mate on February 6, 1993: it was love at first sight. Greg was the fun-loving, farm-boy to my shy, inquisitive city-girl. He was an engineer who loved all things mechanical and I was in the midst of my PhD in eco-botany. We just clicked straight away and seemed always to know what the other was thinking.We married in 1997 and after…
So Today I Bought a Shirt ….
…. which really isn’t newsworthy (or blog-worthy) in and of itself. But I think that all of you will understand why I felt the need to write about it …. and to show it to you: Looks like a simple enough t-shirt, right? Other than the fact that there’s a heart on it, which gives me mixed feelings. Mostly because I haven’t visualized…
Castaway
Sorry for another movie reference, but this one has been on my mind. Remember the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks? I was reminded of this movie just last week because of a dream I had. Remember how in the movie he returns after being presumed dead for years? His girlfriend of many years has married, and she now has a child, a family…she’s moved on.
Grief from A Child
This is what Ezra has to say about grief. He wants you to pay attention. He’s nine. He was 7 by three weeks when Art died. M=Mom, aka KimE: It’s scary whenever I go to sleep because I’m afraid I will be dreaming about daddy. M: Why do you not like that? E: Cause then every morning I wake up and I realize that he’s never coming back and it’s…
Easy
To put it simply…every action, every breath, every second of my life after Michael’s death was one thing and one thing only…hard. Okay, I should re-phrase….torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day. But an amazing thing happened today…like most things, it’s something I’ve noticed in passing since becoming a…