Scrolling Facebook recently, I came upon this brilliant bit of medicine by John Roedel. Thank you, John, for this viral post. Deep bow to you. The world consents to the wisdom in these words. Note: The art of this piece is in both the words and in their placement. Due to limitations I am experiencing […]
healing for widowed
Fall Down Seven Times
Stand Up Eight On this early morning I am thinking about death. The loss of my beloved life-partner demonstrated death to me on the closest level possible. Which takes me to the next thought, I, too, will die. Thoughts such as this come without warning, arriving like fog. One day they are far from your […]
Grit and Grace
My foundation shifted and collapsed when he died. I buried Mike, but it was me who was buried alive by the wreckage of our dilapidated life. For a long time I thought that maybe if I stood still he’d come for me. I thought he would somehow find me and save me from the ruins of our lost life. Then, after a while, I realized that Mike was…
Skeletons in the Closet
Well it’s almost 2 years now and I finally gave in. I haven’t really gone through our closet since Tin passed away. Each time I’d go in the closet I would feel like there were skeletons about to grab me. I’d choke up seeing a jacket he wore, a scarf he wrapped, a shirt that was there for a special event we had together. Sometimes I…
Resolutions and other Bullshit
Many people make resolutions in January. I didn’t. I simply picked a word. I picked a word to guide me into the new decade. LOVE This is my word. I’m not talking about romantic love. I’m talking about: Big Love, Agape Love, Self-Love. And, mostly I am talking about Love of Life. MY life. The life I have in front of…
Social Media Inspiration
After awhile, our friends and family don’t get the daily loss reminders we do. I get these strong urges to post on social media and remind them but those posts have evolved into a way to try and help anyone who needs it. This week, as I sit in my car, I just started writting….. It’s been almost 2 years since Clayton passed away. Sometimes it…
A bunch of curse words
So my entire post just disappeared. Just like my life. Just like my husband. Im so incredibly annoyed right now. I wrote a brilliant post. It was off the top of my head. It was called “Rebuild”, and it was this amazing metaphor all about having a house built and how if it took years to build a house and the builders kept making mistakes and then…
So Far Away
Lately, Mike feels so far away. It is very hard to properly describe, but I will give it a try. He has taken on the feel of a memory. Now, Mike feels like more of a memory than my person. I feel lousy admitting this. It sort of feels like he is dying all over again. In my head, Mike feels like someone who lived once upon a time – in…
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Two Second Fiddles
A while ago, Mike and I wrote this post together about some of the things that are harder about being two widowed people in a new relationship. In that post, we talked about how we aren’t ever able to really pull the widow card on one another, because essentially – it’s canceled out. We’ve both been through an equally hard pain. We have…
Divine Dimes
I have been more open-minded and openhearted to try and see signs from Tin. Some say that it is just circumstance but it helps me. It is really interesting how we have preset thoughts about certain things and “superstitions”. For my whole life I always heard that if you find a penny than it is a penny from Heaven -A small shiny token to tell…
Grief and Insomnia
Grief is a bitch. As is insomnia. As am I, when I don’t sleep. Eh, that’s not entirely true. It just sounded catchy. I hate when I can’t shut my mind down though, and it fills with thoughts of death-grief-trauma related things. Mostly; the thoughts always seem to come back to the simple heart aching fact that I will always miss Don , I hate that he…
Bad Ass
Recently, a widowed person told me I am a “Bad Ass”. She said this in relation to what she views as my bravery and courage. I assure you, I do not view myself as particularly brave or courageous. I feel like an ordinary, if not slightly disorientated and haggard, middle aged woman. Sure, I know that I am capable of tough stuff. …